I know few public defenders that took the position just because of the money, or because it was something to do. Most, if not all, either enjoy the work, or have some degree of compassion or youthful idealism that makes even Sean Penn want to puke up that pizza he ordered in the middle of class. (Lest we forget that he was Spicoli.)
Ok, so I know this post looks like it's veering in to self-congratulatory pandering, but it's not.
All glorified social workers (which is essentially what I am), have a breaking point.
For some, it's representing someone you know is guilty, getting them sprung, only to see the same crime committed. For others, it's just the knowledge of a losing battle.
For me, it's this tweaker asshole that has currently been parked outside in our parking lot for the past 16 or so hours. It started yesterday afternoon, when I came back and saw a disheveled, scraggly, man wearing waders and a coat that I assume at some point did not smell like meth and day old cigarette butts. He was working on his car. And when I say working, I mean, hood open, and randomly pulling shit out of the engine. Shit that looked serious.
I let it go on for a while. Exchanged pleasantries. He called me "counselor," and in his little tweaker way, I thought it was kinda cute.
But it kept going until closing time.... So I go outside. "Hey," I call, "so is it not starting or anything." I thought the hint was there. "No, counselor, it's just the light." The light. The light?! Are you fucking kidding me?! So I leave, and my parting words are, verbatim, "Hey, you should just take it to a mechanic. They should be able to take care of it. You're not allowed to park here if you don't have an appointment, unfortunately." He meths back, "Loud and clear Counselor!"
Fast forward to this morning. Same fucking jalopy. Straddling two parking spots. Tweaker, wrapped like a mummy, in a leopard print fleece, sleeping in the driver's seat. As of thirty minutes ago, I have woken him up, and let him know that I will be towing said vehicle if it's not gone in 30 minutes.
Ideals be damned, parking is sacred.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
On Christianity
Although engaging the 320 mile journey to hang out with LLK and other friendtypes is not the ideal, I try my best to make due. (And ideally get to a point where I can call (408) and it's local.) Part of how I make due? Crazy. Christian. Talk. Radio.
Allow me to make my usual initial caveat: I like some Christians, and truthfully, there's some merit to a lot of Christ's teaching. Loving each other, giving back, etc. And some of you may be aware, during my "rebellious" years, I was a born-again myself. What can I say, it was southern orange county, and mega churches can be mega convincing...
Still, decent values aside, listening to the radio several things have becoming apparent.
1. There are a sizable faction of Christians that believe the rapture is going to occur on May 21, 2011. Seriously. There was a guy going on for HOURS on a call in show on one of the radio programs. It wasn't his message so much that shocked me. (I've met enough people with crazy conspiracy theories to not be too phased.) No, it was the volume of calls genuinely interested in how to approach the for-sure rapture. People were asking if they should get supplies, what will happen, etc.
Folks, let's get one thing clear: if Snookie has written a book and the skies haven't opened up and swallowed all of civilization, I doubt May 21 is a better time. Of course, I may be wrong, but I don't think we should all be maxing out our credit cards on May 20.
2. The whole traditional family values garbage that Christians espouse is also starting to get on my nerves. I was listening to another program where a seemingly and otherwise charismatic pastor was talking about how wives should act. At one point, he said that notwithstanding sins, wives should pretty much do whatever their husbands said. Don't worry, he strongly admonished the men to not use that to beat their wives. So that's cool, I guess.
Also- reaaaaalllly getting sick of the whole beating up on gay people thing. If it's not your (tea)bag, then fine. But you really care if a couple of homogays raise some kids? Let me tell you something. (And I've gone on this rant before.) I've been to the Castro enough (free drinks, woof.) to realize a couple of things. First, regardless of the store on the Castro, they all have gay porn displayed in their windows. Second, the dogs on the Castro are the most well-taken after dogs in the universe. Every single one. They all have beautiful coats, usually have some kind of expensive outfit on, and in some cases, I have seen a doggie yoga mat strapped to their backs. I guarantee you they eat better than I do, and probably are better educated too. So who the fuck are you to say that people that treat their dogs like kings and queens (helllloooooooo) and who WANT to have kids shouldn't? Why is it perfectly legal for two fuck-ups to have a child who will likely become a client. I know this is anecdotal, but I have had zero, ZERO, criminal defendants who were raised by same-sex couples. ZERO! Let the gays have kids for Christ's sake.
3. The whole bat-shit science thing is getting old too. Listen people, we get it, God is good, and God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt. Ok. Cool. But when empirical evidence begins to at least challenge the words in your crazy ass book, don't discount science as the tools of devil. Science, at least to what my limited knowledge permits, is the pursuit of truth. It's not in direct conflict with religion, but sometimes I get pissed when Christians discount everything science says because it's not backed by God. And then when you confront them with some empirical fact, like say, that FUCKING DINOSAURS WALKED AROUND MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO AND NOT DURING THE TIME OF MAN, they hide behind the faith argument. It goes like this:
Rational human being: So, yeah, fossils.
Krazy Khristian: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! THOSE WERE PLANTED BY THE DEVIL 30 YEARS AGO WITH THE HELP FROM BURT REYNOLDS IN A CHEVY CAMERO. JESUS RODE DINOSAURS AND WAS THE ORIGINAL EXECUTIVE PRODUCER FOR FREAKS AND GEEKS.
RHB: Um...
KK: How dare you challenge me! It's called faith, and even if something isn't true, if I believe it, then it is.
RHB: Santa Claus?
KK: Are you making fun of me?! Santa is made up to make money. Jesus died for you sins and this is how you thank him?! By thinking rationally and not relying on BLIND FAITH?!
RHB: So let me get this straight- When confronted by an inconsistency or flaw in your theology, your asked to simply believe that it's true because that's what God wants?
KK: YES!
The bottomline is that the Bible has a LOT of crazy shit in it. I'm not saying that all of it should be discounted, or written off, but if it's not perfectly and easily interpreted by one explanation, shouldn't that say something? We have so many different theologians, all Christian, who parse out different meanings for different verses. I wouldn't put a whole lot of stock in it's empirical worth.
4. Finally, getting sick of the petty judgment of nonbelievers. Christians, stop praying for me already. If you feel like you're saved, cool. But don't worry about me or other people UNLESS WE SHOW A GENUINE INTEREST. It's annoying. And don't act like you're better b/c you're "saved." I know plenty of non-christians who do nice things every day. Hell, I even know atheists who are nice. And they do it just to be nice! Get over yourself- you're not an amazing person for getting dunked in a pool. Any 2nd grader can tell you that.
Again, and finally, Christians, you're mostly cool. Jesus was a cool dude who probably was pretty rad to hang out with and ride Jesus Ponies with. But just chill out!
Allow me to make my usual initial caveat: I like some Christians, and truthfully, there's some merit to a lot of Christ's teaching. Loving each other, giving back, etc. And some of you may be aware, during my "rebellious" years, I was a born-again myself. What can I say, it was southern orange county, and mega churches can be mega convincing...
Still, decent values aside, listening to the radio several things have becoming apparent.
1. There are a sizable faction of Christians that believe the rapture is going to occur on May 21, 2011. Seriously. There was a guy going on for HOURS on a call in show on one of the radio programs. It wasn't his message so much that shocked me. (I've met enough people with crazy conspiracy theories to not be too phased.) No, it was the volume of calls genuinely interested in how to approach the for-sure rapture. People were asking if they should get supplies, what will happen, etc.
Folks, let's get one thing clear: if Snookie has written a book and the skies haven't opened up and swallowed all of civilization, I doubt May 21 is a better time. Of course, I may be wrong, but I don't think we should all be maxing out our credit cards on May 20.
2. The whole traditional family values garbage that Christians espouse is also starting to get on my nerves. I was listening to another program where a seemingly and otherwise charismatic pastor was talking about how wives should act. At one point, he said that notwithstanding sins, wives should pretty much do whatever their husbands said. Don't worry, he strongly admonished the men to not use that to beat their wives. So that's cool, I guess.
Also- reaaaaalllly getting sick of the whole beating up on gay people thing. If it's not your (tea)bag, then fine. But you really care if a couple of homogays raise some kids? Let me tell you something. (And I've gone on this rant before.) I've been to the Castro enough (free drinks, woof.) to realize a couple of things. First, regardless of the store on the Castro, they all have gay porn displayed in their windows. Second, the dogs on the Castro are the most well-taken after dogs in the universe. Every single one. They all have beautiful coats, usually have some kind of expensive outfit on, and in some cases, I have seen a doggie yoga mat strapped to their backs. I guarantee you they eat better than I do, and probably are better educated too. So who the fuck are you to say that people that treat their dogs like kings and queens (helllloooooooo) and who WANT to have kids shouldn't? Why is it perfectly legal for two fuck-ups to have a child who will likely become a client. I know this is anecdotal, but I have had zero, ZERO, criminal defendants who were raised by same-sex couples. ZERO! Let the gays have kids for Christ's sake.
3. The whole bat-shit science thing is getting old too. Listen people, we get it, God is good, and God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt. Ok. Cool. But when empirical evidence begins to at least challenge the words in your crazy ass book, don't discount science as the tools of devil. Science, at least to what my limited knowledge permits, is the pursuit of truth. It's not in direct conflict with religion, but sometimes I get pissed when Christians discount everything science says because it's not backed by God. And then when you confront them with some empirical fact, like say, that FUCKING DINOSAURS WALKED AROUND MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO AND NOT DURING THE TIME OF MAN, they hide behind the faith argument. It goes like this:
Rational human being: So, yeah, fossils.
Krazy Khristian: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! THOSE WERE PLANTED BY THE DEVIL 30 YEARS AGO WITH THE HELP FROM BURT REYNOLDS IN A CHEVY CAMERO. JESUS RODE DINOSAURS AND WAS THE ORIGINAL EXECUTIVE PRODUCER FOR FREAKS AND GEEKS.
RHB: Um...
KK: How dare you challenge me! It's called faith, and even if something isn't true, if I believe it, then it is.
RHB: Santa Claus?
KK: Are you making fun of me?! Santa is made up to make money. Jesus died for you sins and this is how you thank him?! By thinking rationally and not relying on BLIND FAITH?!
RHB: So let me get this straight- When confronted by an inconsistency or flaw in your theology, your asked to simply believe that it's true because that's what God wants?
KK: YES!
The bottomline is that the Bible has a LOT of crazy shit in it. I'm not saying that all of it should be discounted, or written off, but if it's not perfectly and easily interpreted by one explanation, shouldn't that say something? We have so many different theologians, all Christian, who parse out different meanings for different verses. I wouldn't put a whole lot of stock in it's empirical worth.
4. Finally, getting sick of the petty judgment of nonbelievers. Christians, stop praying for me already. If you feel like you're saved, cool. But don't worry about me or other people UNLESS WE SHOW A GENUINE INTEREST. It's annoying. And don't act like you're better b/c you're "saved." I know plenty of non-christians who do nice things every day. Hell, I even know atheists who are nice. And they do it just to be nice! Get over yourself- you're not an amazing person for getting dunked in a pool. Any 2nd grader can tell you that.
Again, and finally, Christians, you're mostly cool. Jesus was a cool dude who probably was pretty rad to hang out with and ride Jesus Ponies with. But just chill out!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Today's White Suburban Kid Music Picks...
Working late at the office takes on a different feel. The lights are dim, there's less embarrassment dancing and doing that stupid shoulder shake thing that I do.
Still, unencumbered by the presence of coworkers and clients, after 5 pm I can let my luscious locks down, unbutton the top button (of pants or shirt? he'll never tell...) and indulge in yet again further proof that I am a suburban white kid.
I'll be honest- I'm a sucker for good neo-soul/R&B music. The distinction between the genres is a point of contention to some, I'm sure so I won't pretend that I know the difference between soul, R&B, or any other modified genre. I'll just present what I enjoy.
E.G.,
Musiq's "Half Crazy"
What can I say? Good voice, syncopated horn lines, and just all around dope. Wish this guy was more popular.
Slum Village, featuring Dwele's "Tainted"
Granted, this isn't necessarily R&B, but Dwele's vocals and organ backing (tell me that doesn't sound dirty...)
D'Angelo's "Untitled"
There's nothing I can say that wouldn't be construed as having overt homosexual under(and possibly over)tones. So I'll just leave that video there. (If you have Victorian sensibilities like yours truly, just play the video in an other window as it's sNSFW.)
Jill Scott's "Golden"
Scott has worked on so much stuff, and is an unbelievable singer/songwriter. And, without getting too preachy, she's not "mainstream" largely due to the fact that she doesn't look like Rihanna. The thing is, though, in my opinion, if you're selling RECORDS, the focus should be on your ability. And I'm sorry, Rihanna is quite literally a 3-4 note wonder. She is talentless and the more I hear from her on the radio, the more I sympathize with Chris Brown. J/K! Kinda...
Bill Wither's "Aint no Sunshine"
Keeping things in historical perspective, I present one of the greats: Mr. Withers, with a special shot-out to the one reader who has a tendency to create the sunniest days in this god-forsaken rain forest. Withers' voice is straight-up UNbelievable and a force to be reckoned with.
Still, unencumbered by the presence of coworkers and clients, after 5 pm I can let my luscious locks down, unbutton the top button (of pants or shirt? he'll never tell...) and indulge in yet again further proof that I am a suburban white kid.
I'll be honest- I'm a sucker for good neo-soul/R&B music. The distinction between the genres is a point of contention to some, I'm sure so I won't pretend that I know the difference between soul, R&B, or any other modified genre. I'll just present what I enjoy.
E.G.,
Musiq's "Half Crazy"
What can I say? Good voice, syncopated horn lines, and just all around dope. Wish this guy was more popular.
Slum Village, featuring Dwele's "Tainted"
Granted, this isn't necessarily R&B, but Dwele's vocals and organ backing (tell me that doesn't sound dirty...)
D'Angelo's "Untitled"
There's nothing I can say that wouldn't be construed as having overt homosexual under(and possibly over)tones. So I'll just leave that video there. (If you have Victorian sensibilities like yours truly, just play the video in an other window as it's sNSFW.)
Jill Scott's "Golden"
Scott has worked on so much stuff, and is an unbelievable singer/songwriter. And, without getting too preachy, she's not "mainstream" largely due to the fact that she doesn't look like Rihanna. The thing is, though, in my opinion, if you're selling RECORDS, the focus should be on your ability. And I'm sorry, Rihanna is quite literally a 3-4 note wonder. She is talentless and the more I hear from her on the radio, the more I sympathize with Chris Brown. J/K! Kinda...
Bill Wither's "Aint no Sunshine"
Keeping things in historical perspective, I present one of the greats: Mr. Withers, with a special shot-out to the one reader who has a tendency to create the sunniest days in this god-forsaken rain forest. Withers' voice is straight-up UNbelievable and a force to be reckoned with.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Welcome Back Rant
Hey folks,
Yes it's been a while, and yes, I'm crappy for not keeping up on my promises to continue to write vigorously. I could probably try to pinpoint nine or ten lame excuses, but they'd be just that: lame and stupid.
Also, writing socially is not unlike writing professionally. It's under-emphasized, yet very important to success. Consequently, the more I write, the more confident I will be when I start doing open mics, of which I've found some up here in the 'Boldt.
So, put up the faux brick wall behind me, get me in my finest jeans and white tennis shoes with a blazer a la LLK's mother's former classmate (Seinfeld), and let's begin the rant.
What's the deeeeeeeal with natural disasters?
Ok, dropping the bad comic bit for a second. Seriously, what's the deal? Terrible? Yes. Unpredictable? Sure. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates black people? Definitely. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates midgets? Most definitely. A call to action? Yes.
Here's what natural disasters are NOT.
They are not a call to people to put up a facebook status asking me to pray for people. I'm not a devout follower of any religion, unless you count the collective works of Jon Benjamin something beyond a mere idolatry. Therefore, publicly asking for prayer makes a couple of POWERFUL assumptions:
1. I regularly pray.
2. I scan my facebook feed just hoping that people are passively asking for prayer.
3. That whatever you are asking for is worthy of my prayer.
There's a distinct difference between someone genuinely approaching me, and asking that I pray for, let's say, a loved one who is sick. In that situation, someone has put themselves out there, and has legitimate reason to seek a other-worldly alternative. And although my metaphysical views are subject to great scrutiny, I can usually muster at least some pointed thoughts for the person in that situation.
Everyone else: Go fuck yourself. No, seriously. How lazy are you that you're casting a net out there for prayers in your facebook status? I'm sorry, it's a weak attempt at best, and it's really kinda lame. It's like when your parents are hounding to find work and you half-assedly apply to like 2-3 a week on craigslist. No, this doesn't count. Sorry. Either ask me personally, or keep your prayers to yourself.
The other, and possibly bigger annoyance about the facebook response to the disaster is the fake-ass outpouring of support, usually characterized with a profile picture change, by people who have ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION TO THE TRAGEDY WHATSOEVER.
Let's make one thing clear- if you have family, friends, loved ones, etc., that have been directly impacted by the havoc, by all means, use whatever mechanisms you have to vent, call for action, etc.
Everyone else: STOP FRONTING. I swear, the slacktivism is really starting to get to me. I can almost guarantee that the average, work-a-day person, doesn't actually care about the tragedy. Sure, it's something to talk about when conversation with acquaintances wains, or to change the topic when the creepy guy hits on you, but outside casual knowledge, I would bet top-dollar that you're not fretting about what's going on. So stop acting like it . It's disingenuous, at best, and kinda sociopathic at worst. Reserve your passion for the things you actually care about, and you'll actually seem like a decent person.
Finally, news: Stop it. Just stop. Let the proper authorities deal with the aftermath, and stop capitalizing on the fear and emotion of tragedy. When there was the bullshit tsunami warning, I remember seeing a reporter "bravely" discussing the impending doom from the SF Bay, with the GG bridge within picturesque shot. He made it very clear that although disaster could strike at any moment, he would "bravely" be ok and that the report was worth it. OH PLEASE! Shit like that makes people freak the fuck out, and is just a total lie. Stop reporting on speculations of speculations, and actually DO SOMETHING. And yes, the reactor issue is probably a concern to those near the wreckage. BUT STOP INSINUATING THAT IF I EAT A BANANA I WILL DIE. I have enough of a hard time consuming food that is good for me without the "news" guaranteeing my diet to be twinkies and beef jerky, both of which are immune to radiation and digestion.
And please don't misread my rant as the ramblings of a jaded asshole. Look, what happened was awful and will continue to effect the lives of millions. My point is, if it doesn't effect you, and you plan to do nothing other than throw up a cursory facebook status, then just shut up. If you feel compelled to help, that's great, and guess what? You've earned the right to talk about it.
Yes it's been a while, and yes, I'm crappy for not keeping up on my promises to continue to write vigorously. I could probably try to pinpoint nine or ten lame excuses, but they'd be just that: lame and stupid.
Also, writing socially is not unlike writing professionally. It's under-emphasized, yet very important to success. Consequently, the more I write, the more confident I will be when I start doing open mics, of which I've found some up here in the 'Boldt.
So, put up the faux brick wall behind me, get me in my finest jeans and white tennis shoes with a blazer a la LLK's mother's former classmate (Seinfeld), and let's begin the rant.
What's the deeeeeeeal with natural disasters?
Ok, dropping the bad comic bit for a second. Seriously, what's the deal? Terrible? Yes. Unpredictable? Sure. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates black people? Definitely. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates midgets? Most definitely. A call to action? Yes.
Here's what natural disasters are NOT.
They are not a call to people to put up a facebook status asking me to pray for people. I'm not a devout follower of any religion, unless you count the collective works of Jon Benjamin something beyond a mere idolatry. Therefore, publicly asking for prayer makes a couple of POWERFUL assumptions:
1. I regularly pray.
2. I scan my facebook feed just hoping that people are passively asking for prayer.
3. That whatever you are asking for is worthy of my prayer.
There's a distinct difference between someone genuinely approaching me, and asking that I pray for, let's say, a loved one who is sick. In that situation, someone has put themselves out there, and has legitimate reason to seek a other-worldly alternative. And although my metaphysical views are subject to great scrutiny, I can usually muster at least some pointed thoughts for the person in that situation.
Everyone else: Go fuck yourself. No, seriously. How lazy are you that you're casting a net out there for prayers in your facebook status? I'm sorry, it's a weak attempt at best, and it's really kinda lame. It's like when your parents are hounding to find work and you half-assedly apply to like 2-3 a week on craigslist. No, this doesn't count. Sorry. Either ask me personally, or keep your prayers to yourself.
The other, and possibly bigger annoyance about the facebook response to the disaster is the fake-ass outpouring of support, usually characterized with a profile picture change, by people who have ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION TO THE TRAGEDY WHATSOEVER.
Let's make one thing clear- if you have family, friends, loved ones, etc., that have been directly impacted by the havoc, by all means, use whatever mechanisms you have to vent, call for action, etc.
Everyone else: STOP FRONTING. I swear, the slacktivism is really starting to get to me. I can almost guarantee that the average, work-a-day person, doesn't actually care about the tragedy. Sure, it's something to talk about when conversation with acquaintances wains, or to change the topic when the creepy guy hits on you, but outside casual knowledge, I would bet top-dollar that you're not fretting about what's going on. So stop acting like it . It's disingenuous, at best, and kinda sociopathic at worst. Reserve your passion for the things you actually care about, and you'll actually seem like a decent person.
Finally, news: Stop it. Just stop. Let the proper authorities deal with the aftermath, and stop capitalizing on the fear and emotion of tragedy. When there was the bullshit tsunami warning, I remember seeing a reporter "bravely" discussing the impending doom from the SF Bay, with the GG bridge within picturesque shot. He made it very clear that although disaster could strike at any moment, he would "bravely" be ok and that the report was worth it. OH PLEASE! Shit like that makes people freak the fuck out, and is just a total lie. Stop reporting on speculations of speculations, and actually DO SOMETHING. And yes, the reactor issue is probably a concern to those near the wreckage. BUT STOP INSINUATING THAT IF I EAT A BANANA I WILL DIE. I have enough of a hard time consuming food that is good for me without the "news" guaranteeing my diet to be twinkies and beef jerky, both of which are immune to radiation and digestion.
And please don't misread my rant as the ramblings of a jaded asshole. Look, what happened was awful and will continue to effect the lives of millions. My point is, if it doesn't effect you, and you plan to do nothing other than throw up a cursory facebook status, then just shut up. If you feel compelled to help, that's great, and guess what? You've earned the right to talk about it.
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