On Fight Songs

So my favorite reader has suggested I switch allegiance to my favorite football team, the Philadelphia Eagles.

And she's not far off base. Admittedly, I have flip-flopped in the past, and as recently as a few years ago. I was a "diehard" Phillies phan, but my time spent in the bay area, my adoption of the word "hella" (which I hella hated as a Hawaiian t-shirt wearing college freshman), and our love of the local San Jose Giants (which produced current SF Giants greats like Panda and Posey), morphed me in to a SF Giants fan. The ultimate test of loyalty came this season, when the Phils and the Giants squared off. I was forced to choose, and much to the chagrin of many, I went with the Orange and Black.

Also, and realize that this is a very big confession for me, I spent a lot of my childhood following the... Washington Redskins! The reason was simple- my big brother was a fan, and I wanted to do everything he did, including following a team that I now despise. I came to my senses as a young adolescent, before the Andy Reid/McNabb era, and have not looked back since, despite countless disappointments.

It has been suggested that I look for a new NFL team, and that I base part of my decision in part on that team's fight song.

My current team's fight song is as follows:

"Fly Eagles Fly, On The Road To Victory.
Fight Eagles Fight, Score A Touchdown 1-2-3.

Hit ‘Em Low.
Hit ‘Em High.
And We’ll Watch Our Eagles Fly.

Fly Eagles Fly, On The Road To Victory.

E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!"

Admittedly, this fight song is stupid. But in defense of the song, most Eagles fans can't really count past three, and are lucky if they get past the entire spelling of the "Eagles." Still, it does sadly get me riled up for my beloved Eagles.

Here are the other noted fight songs amidst the NFL:

http://www.footballbabble.com/football/nfl/fight-songs/

So, with this in mind, and as long as it's suitable with my reader(s), I submit that if I were ever to change allegiances again, I think it would be for the Buffalo Bills. Here's my case for the Bills:

1. They are the most loveable losers of the NFL. There was a period where they went to FOUR SUPER BOWLS IN A ROW AND LOST. That is so awesomely pathetic that I cannot hate.

2. They have diehard fans. They play in upstate New York, the state with the stupid Jets and Giants that dominate ESPN coverage and still manage to garner crowds in ungodly weather. That's dedication, and it's dedication that I respect. If they ever do get to the promised land, their fans will be vindicated. Also, their fans aren't douchey about their misfortunes like Cubs fans or back-in-the-day Red Sox fans. I also enjoy that.

3. They have a Harvard educated Quarterback. Something about that makes me laugh.

4. Wings. As in, wings from Buffalo.

What team should I switch over to if I were to flip flop yet again? Submit your thoughts, and provided that the Eagles win the super bowl and continue to do well, I just may oblige!*

*I'm also a secret hipster about sports, sadly. I only like "underground" teams. Sigh... I know I'm lame.

EAGLES!

The Seven Archetypes of Annoyance at the Gym

So, in an effort to combat the eating binge that has been the month of November, I have decided to commit to gym outings as much as possible. That way, when I see LLK for Xmas, she will not be forced to see a curly haired Louis Anderson awaiting her.

Not that it will have too dramatic of an impact, nor am I trying to pat myself on the back, but I bring it up because it highlights the all-too familiar archetypes of gym douchery. In no particular order, I present:

THE SEVEN DOUCHES AT THE GYM

1. Jonny Bro Douche
Oh, Jonny Bro Douche, your muscles glean, your hair is perfectly gelled, and your child's medium shirt highlights at least nine reasons for my hatred of you.

Yes, it's impressive that you have a good body and we all see it. Still, can you spare us the show? The purpose of a gym, generally speaking, is- or at least should be- to get in shape and/or stay healthy. And I'm proud that you've put your kinesiology degree (with communication minor) to work. I really am.

What is irksome is Jonny Bro Douche's proclivity to not only spend 4.5 hours working out, but his ability to occupy no fewer than 7 machines at any given time. Yes, I realize that if you don't blast your delts as well as your quads you may loose mass, but let's take it down a peg or seven, please.

2a. Young Slut
Oh, young slut, I really hate you. Like, really hate you. You dawn about 3 pounds of makeup, put on the pinkest thing you can find (typically emblazoned with some trio of Greek letters), and proceed, like Jonny Bro Douche, occupy 3 cardio machines at any given time.

The particularly blood-boiling thing about Young Slut's activities is, however, is that she doesn't actually work on any machine. That would cause sweat, which would in turn mess up her precious appearance. So, in a twisted formula focusing on time spent, Young Slut proceeds to spend 2 hours on a treadmill slowly walking and talking on the phone.

If ever there was a justifiable homicide...

2b. See Young Slut, and add about thirty years, remove pink and add "animal print."

3. Exercise Bullimic
Now, I'm treading thin ice with this one, considering it is a recognized eating disorder.

Still, along the same lines as the others listed that simply take up too much time and space, Exercise Bullimic is simply just dominating the equipment too much. Stop it. You need 30, maybe 45 minutes of solid cardio to feel good about yourself. Not 4 hours. Just stop it.

4. Fatty Do-Nothing
Now, before you grab the sharpest and bluntest object you can find to hurl at me, allow me to defend my seemingly hypocritical description. Yes, I am a large man with plenty of pounds to loose. You might even call me a "man of leisure." Still, when I go to the gym, I have no issues as to why I'm there. I'm there to work, burn calories, and do so efficiently.

Fatty Do-Nothing operates under a different philosophy. In a twisted psychosis, Fatty Do-Nothing believes that simply by showing up, you burn at least 900 calories. They then proceed to take the seated bicycle, set it at level 1, and slowly burn 4 calories per hour.

Again, not to sound hypocritical, but I guess it just really bothers me when people show up to the gym and then proceed to not show up.

5. Armchair Trainer
Again, in the full interest of disclosure, although I try to work out as much as possible, I'm no Adonis, and I'm certainly not doing everything at the max level. Still, I'm no slouch, and I typically have a clue as to what I'm doing. In fact, I don't embark on activities at the gym unless I'm either working with a professional or I feel confident that I'm doing it correctly.

That does not stop Armchair Trainer from butting in, forcing me to take out my earbud, and giving me some pearl of wisdom about how I can get the most from my workout. Again, with the understanding that I won't be in any P90x videos soon, this irritates me. As gregarious as I am, when I go to the gym, I come to workout- by myself. (Unless I'm working out with a friend, which of course I will enjoy the other's company.)

Perhaps most irritating about Armchair Trainer is that they seldom look remotely healthy. So, if you're out there, if you're thinking about giving sage advice to someone who looks like they're enjoying their personal workout, think to yourself: "Am I a professional trainer? If so, am I this gentleman's professional trainer?" If the answer to either question is no, kindly shut the fuck up.

6. Frankie Longnuts
Rounding out my list, and appropriately placed as it is generally the last vision I am bestowed with, is Frankie Longnuts.

Frankie fought in the war (be it 'Nam, Korea, or either of the two fronts), and in a Freudian display of recapitulation, simply loves to be naked. All the time. Taking a shower, taking a schvitz, weighing himself, talking to other Frankies, it's just naked time all the time.

And while I really don't care about nudity in a locker room as a means to an end (getting dressed), the sheer loungieness of Frankie Longnuts, coupled with, well, his long nuts, is a bit much.

So there you have it- my current gym pet peeves. Enjoy your workout everyone!

This Week's Ripped from the Headlines

So, in further effort to keep both myself and my dutiful readers informed, I am doing my best to keep abreast of the WikiLeaks nonsense and scandal.

Here's the latest wrinkle in Julian Assange's controversial life.

Now, and most likely because I hear about it nonstop on my drive to and from work, my well thought-out opinion with regards to the leaks of various cables:

Well, transparency is important in a well-run democracy. It's nice to know how and why our government does the things they do, and perhaps more importantly, to know that they had the authority, be it constitutional or otherwise, to do it.

But with foreign policy, especially delicate matters involving things like nuclear proliferation, or Baltic states, I could really care less about how and why our foreign policy gets implemented, as long as we aren't:
1. Bombing the shit out of people without them doing it first.
2. Committing atrocities with regards to Human Rights.
3. Committing some other violations of treaties.

Other than 1-3, if you're a diplomat, and you want to say that Demetry Medvev looks like an ass, go nuts.

And yes, I'm sure there's a lot of sordid little secrets that have been exposed by the recent release. Unfortunately for you readers, I have neither the time or the energy to canvas them all to discern what is truly relevant.

And I guess in some ways, that's my point. In lines with the "no one likes a tattle" logic, I guess I feel like Julian Assange should be crucified or applauded, depending on how you feel about the releases.

I just don't care. Color it blind faith, but I feel like if my government is doing terribly fucked up things, they'll surface one way or another. More to that point, I even acknowledge that my government has done fucked up things and will continue to do fucked up things.

But here's the dirty little secret: I'm just wrote that above sentence, and I can promise you all, especially the reader from whom I'm resuming custody of our small animal, that secret police will not burst through my ceiling and I will not be "disappeared."

The fact that there are countries that continue to have governments that routinely disappear, kill, and murder peaceful dissidents should make anyone appreciative of our government, even if we may have some closed-door policies.

Again, I refuse to label Asange as a champion of individual liberty or as the evil villain that Fox News has labeled him as. Yes, there were some black eyes released, a lot of which are attributed to administrations past (read: Bush); but at the end of the day, this is a process that is not unlike making sausage: you're going to get some snouts and assholes thrown in the grinder.

In sum, I will always be interested to know and hold my government accountable for human rights violations, or for mass exercise of unwarranted power. In my half-retarded analysis, I don't think there's much to prosecute our government here for.

As for Assange, on the other hand, looks like he is looking down the barrel of some pretty serious sex offenses (read link posted above). And of course, being the true defender that I am, I will never, ever, cast anyone as guilty before held to answer through a fair and impartial process governed by due process....






But that fucker be a rapist!


(G'night everyone!)

MCLE

The California Bar requires all us attorneys to do continuing legal education yearly. Which is important, because, you know, laws have a tendency to change, get reinterpreted, etc. And if I want to stay marketable, so you know, I can be within at least 50 miles of LLK, I need to keep abreast of a lot of updated legal shennaniganz!

This is even more important for the Public Defender. We advise people, and sometimes we need to be on top of things to avoid seemingly outside consequences. This is never more relevant when representing those individuals with immigration issues.

Now, granted, here in Humboldt, there are seldom issues of immigration. It's a fairly homogeneous population (mostly white with a Native American population), but that can easily lull you in to assuming that everyone's a USC (US Citizen).

So it's even more important to be on top of it. Unfortunately, I missed my office's MCLE gathering a few months ago, so I was extremely pleased to see CPDA offer a very similar conference that I could listen to online!

If you are thinking about practicing criminal law, take a look at these materials- It's very important stuff!

http://defendingimmigrants.org/

And read Padilla v. Kentucky!

On Late Nights, SBux Via, Motiviation, and other random musings

Hey folks,

It's presently 5:42, and I have a stack of approximately 60 files staring at me on my desk that demand immediate attention. I would have addressed them at some point this morning, or yesterday morning, save for the fact that I was stuck in court enduring small talk and bickering over sentence length. I know I shouldn't bitch, and believe me, I still love what I do, but I just wish I could actually get some more time to work. Hence the late night.

And hence the Sbux via. Courtesy of the ever-thoughtful LLK, I am now the proud owner of a very professional leather laptop bag (is that how you accurately describe it other than awesome?) that conveniently holds a lot of files and was equipped with a lot of little goodies- including the Starbucks instant coffee, which despite a strong opposition from one DA who will remain nameless and a weiner, is actually very good.

And now, as I sort through my piles and allow the caffeine to elevate my mood a bit, I am getting a little more motivated. This happens. Things accumulate all to quickly in the life of a public defender, and it can get overwhelming. But with the appropriate playlist, a hot beverage from a loved one, and a little elbow grease, I think I may get out of this alive.

Now to interject a random thought:
Why can't we have Thanksgiving style food more often? Is it too heavy, or too difficult to prepare? Seriously, some answers here people. At least hook a brother up with a thanksgiving sandwich on the occasional July afternoon. (I know the Prolific Oven has a version, and other places do too, but I think it should be more wide-spread.)

Other random thought:
Clients having an email address is a double-edged sword. Especially when they have smart phones. (I know, there's a missing piece in that equation, but I'm too flabberghasted to follow that train of thought in to the station.)

Final random thought:
Turkey sandwiches should always be paired with a pig meat of some sort. Acceptable products: salami, bacon, prosciuto, suckling piglet.

Back to work!

This Week's 'Ripped from the Headlines...'

So, as I sit in my office working up a case that I'm none too thrilled about, I have decided to dedicate this post to celebrity criminal gossip...

And the obvious target, at least according to TMZ, is the Charlie Sheen debacle. And with good reason- there's coke, a hooker, and the basic shennanigans we have come to love from Emilio's bro. The only thing missing is that stupid kid from 2.5 men doing rails off of another hooker and stabbing a hobo. Then, and only then, I suppose I would dive in to the drama.

As it stands now, however, I'm going to let TMZ continue to cover that a few (nine hundred) times a day.

Of course, I could also lend a legal opinion in the ongoing Mel Gibson saga. But, sadly, I am far from a family law expert. As the saying goes, family lawyers represent good people acting on their worst behavior, and criminal lawyers represent bad people acting on their best. I am the latter, and I am not going to pretend like I know anything about that aspect of practice.

(I will continue to listen to any and all voice mails from Mad Max, nonetheless.)

And then there's everyone's favorite African American vampire slayer, Wes Snipes who is undergoing some tax problems. Yes it's criminal, but I'll be frank with you, readers: I know nothing about federal practice, let alone federal criminal tax cases. So in an effort to avoid looking like a moron, I will abstain.

I thought I had nothing, until, like a vision in my dreams, I came across this story:

Jim Morrison to be considered for a Gubernatorial Pardon

Now, let me be frank yet again- I am by no means a "The Doors" fan. Yes, I suppose they were a good band, and yes they were influential, but I just never got that in to them.

Still, post conviction relief is always interesting to me, and especially for a charge that if similarly situated in my state of practice would be a life sentence.

The misdemeanor to which I am referring is California Penal Code Section 314(1), or indecent exposure. Us attorneys with no class refer to it generally as "weenie waggling." Yes, yes we are mature.

In any event, in order to be guilty of this charming little offense, the District Attorney is required to prove that you:
1. Willfully exposed your junk in the presence of people who would be offended. I guess this would be the "stripper exception," and
2. When exposed, you acted "lewdly" by intending to direct public attention to your junk for the purpose of sexually gratifying yourself or sexually offending another.

Yes, this is a misdemeanor offense, but as I mentioned above it is a life sentence because if convicted here in California, you are required to become a sex registrant, for LIFE. Which is a serious commitment, because, you know, it's for life.

I would assume the Jim Morrison avoided this requirement as his act happened in Florida.

Still, people were clearly offended at the time, and I'm sure he copped the plea to the misdemeanor just to get it over with.

Now, however, in an extremely belated effort to seem "hip with the kids," Governor Crist seems to want to unburden the ghost of the rocker.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when post-conviction relief happens, just because it is so rare. Sadly, a lot of defendants can't stay out of trouble, and even if they do, sometimes expungement, or in the rare case a pardon, is a steep uphill battle.

So I guess what I'm hoping is that even though this little tidbit is more or less a superfluous story, it impacts those intricately involved in the system to reevaluate the role of government in recognizing those who truly have been rehabilitated.

In the Midst of the Holidaze....

Well, folks, as the cold grips in (and yes I'm seriously about the cold), it's becoming more and more apparent that it is the Holiday season.

Let me first air my general malaise with this season, this week in particular. Sadly, it will mark the 5 year anniversary of losing my father, Mike Coughlin, aka "Daddy Doo-Doo." I don't revisit the events that lead up to his passing enough, and I suppose I should. Mostly because it's a healthy thing to do, and introspection is pivotal in growth, blah blah blah, but perhaps more importantly because I have a lot to be grateful for. I have my Boobah, my health (despite my desperate need to visit Healthsport), my friends, my families, a job (somehow) and as noted in my last post, good television. Hell, even the Eagles are doing well. Hell, even my apartment is clean. Things can be, and as of five years ago, were, much worse.

Still, it's an event that impacted me dramatically, and since it occurred when I still an immature moron, I probably could stand to grow up a bit. With that in mind, if I seem at all like an asshole in the next week or so to any of my faithful 4-7 readers, I apologize. As I tried to stress above, I do have a lot going on for me, and I am certainly avoiding the ever cheerful pity party. I also don't mean this week to be a carte blanche for me being a dick. I will do my best to channel any and all rage to those who deserve it (like Nazis).

And with my background out of the way, let me divulge some of the initial highlights and things I'm looking forward to of this holiday season.

Diwali 2010
I celebrated Diwali this year w/ LLK and her family in Sunnyvale. I know it seems weird that a Diwali party would occur in this clearly homogeneous community, but it managed to get off the ground. And it was awesome. Now, I could stumble through and try to explain what Diwali is, but as noted above, I'm still a moron, and will simply direct any and all seeking more information to the mecca of quick knowledge fixes.

And keeping the moron theme active, and specifically the moron of the "large" variety, it should not surprise anyone that one of my favorite things about celebrating this holiday was the food. Oh, the food. Oh, the delicious awesome non-bland food that can only be described with made up adjectives like "tastetastic!" And, as noted in a previous post, it was all vegetarian, so I was able to maintain my commitment to part-time vegetarianism.

And of course, the other thing that really cemented the celebration of this holiday: fireworks. To me, any holiday that combines good people, good food, and blowing shit up is something that should be cherished.

I genuinely hope that I get to share in celebrating this holiday with amazing people for many years to come.

(Sadly, I tried to find the Youtube clips from the episode of "The Office" about Diwali, but NBC put the stop on that mess. I would strongly encourage all to watch the season 3 episode highlighting the holiday. Michael Scott of course makes thing ridiculously awkward and hilarity ensues.)

Veteran's Day 2010
Not that I'm anti-The Troops, but this is not a holiday I generally get juiced for. Except when I finagle a four day weekend out of it. This Veteran's Day was very awesome and some highlights included: visits from my brother, an interesting trip to Fairfield, beer fests that involved randomly running in to people, visits from awesome people from San Diego, and a lovely brunch where I drank too much coffee.

Here's what I'm looking forward to this holiday season:

Thanksgiving 2010
It will be w/ great people, I'm sure the food will be awesome, and hopefully snow will not impede my ability to get down!

Friendsgiving 2010
This year, and quite ingeniously, LLK has suggested the annual Friendsgiving occur on Black Friday (a day in which little is done save 4 am shopping sprees), and where everyone brings leftovers. Which is brilliant b/c leftovers are usually awesome for Thanksgiving.

Xmas 2010
Sadly, my favorite person will not be in the USA for Xmas this year, but I'm hoping to get down to the OC (yeah I called it that) and see some family/friends and truly enjoy where the true commercial nature of the holiday gets highlighted the most. With no snow to get in the way, people can focus on the true materialism of Jesus' birth. I jest, but OC is an interesting place to spend Christmas. With its Megachurches and rampant mall culture, there's a paradoxical mix of Christmas spirit that no iconic Bing Crosby special can hold a candle to.

NYE
I am definitely looking forward to ringing in the new year (and new decade) with someone special, and hopefully getting better suited to find employ that will bring me closer to Yay Area. (Spoiler Alert: It's on of my New Year's resolutions.)

Dark Mornings...

Are killing me.

Seriously, 7:45 up here and it's still dark out. Not cool. I've been on record many times in the past stating that I don't mind it when it's dark at five (I know...), but this is brutal.

Which segues (kinda) in to my topic for this morning. I was listening to NPR (I know.....) and there was an interesting tidbit on how TV ratings drop dramatically when daylight savings begins in April and then spikes more or less after this weekend, when daylight savings ends.

With that in mind, I will now go over my prime time choices for this time of year!

NBC programming:
Community- I'm very much enjoying this show as of late, and it's getting better and better. I like how self-referential this show is getting, and my only concern as of late is that it runs the risk of getting a little too cutesy. Still, the characters in this show are solid, and it's fast-paced, topical, and awesome.

30 Rock- What can I say? It's still awesome, still cohesive, and still (in my opinion) dominates the Thursday lineup.

The Office- Sadly, I can't say that I love this show anymore. There's too many reasons, but quite simply, the show has faded in to a Limbo of mediocrity.

Outsourced- I don't want to give up on this show, but I haven't lol'd either; I'm hoping it'll be like a Parks and Rec where it will just get better and better.

FX:
It's Always Sunny- Still ridiculous, and I'm still loving it!

Archer- Anxiously awaiting its return!

ABC:
Modern Family- Everyone needs to watch this show. It's borderline flawless in its heart, hilarity, and plot-lines and character development. If you haven't watched it yet, I strongly encourage you to give it a shot.

Cougar Town- I'll admit, I don't watch this show regularly, but as LLK would tell you, it's a very solid show. It makes sense, too, with veteran actors, and I believe a lot of veteran "behind-the-scenes" types.

Better off Ted- Of the air... :( It hurts too much to write about, but if you have netflix, indulge in this little gem.

CBS-
How I Met Your Mother- Another one I haven't been honestly watching religiously, but from what I have seen, it's still solid, albeit dragging out its title's premise.

Big Bang Theory- The only critique is that the show still has a laugh track. Without it would be superb for some weird reason to me. As it stands presently, it's still awesome.

Amazing Race- I need to catch up, yes, but this show always delivers for your reality buck. I would recommend it to anyone and highly recommend it over any other primetime reality show.

Ugh, I know this only scratches the surface of my boob-toob addiction which is in part sad. However, as noted above, since it will be getting darker sooner, I will be vindicated in my vice!

Sigh....

http://www.times-standard.com/localnews/ci_16521036

It appears that it may be 2-3 weeks until our little District Attorney situation gets resolved.

Le crap.

Time to bury myself in work and keep my fingers crossed.

This Week's "Ripped from the Headlines"

You really can't make this stuff up:

Why can't my clients be more like this guy?!

Dude is dressed as a breathalyzer, and gets popped for a DUI?! Zomg, I really can't think of anything better. I've dealt with hundreds of DUI's at this point, and yes, there have been some good ones. But this tops the cake.

And I don't care what the blood alcohol content is with this guy, if he were my client, I would BEG for him to take it trial. And wear the costume.

While I'm talking about professional goals, I'll share some others:

- take a drunk in public to trial, because they're generally stupid cases.
- take a driving on suspended license to trial and win, because they're generally impossible to win.
- do an entire afternoon pretrial calendar imitating Christopher Walken.
- Exclaim in court that the "whole damned system is out of order."
- Bow ties.
- Make a DA cry in open court.

Weathering the Storm...

(Let me first air my chagrin- I had written feverishly last night a list of cataloged thoughts on a number of election issues, boiling down a lot of the propositions and saved it. Google begs to differ, and now I am forced to start from scratch. [In the style of LLK]: Le Boo.)

http://www.co.humboldt.ca.us/election/results/2010/2010nov-final-report.pdf

The above link preserves my sanity.

And without getting in to the nitty-gritty, and without getting hyper political, I can confidently say that the people in my office, and the community in general, needed the incumbent to win the District Attorney's race.

I can also say that even though this a mid-term election, and my fourth or fifth one (?), it was the most exciting, because it had the most bearing on me personally. (Ok, yes, that's a bit ego-maniacal.)

In any event, it was a nasty race, that had a lot (too many) names dragged through the mud, including the victims of crime that were essentially postured for political points. Yes, it was that ugly. It's over, thank God, and now the fine citizens of Humboldt County can sit back and wait until the recall effort gains momentum. Sigh...

The other big thing that I was keeping my eye out on was, yes, Proposition 19. Now, the thoughts I wrote last night on everything else were indeed salient, well thought-out, and the prose would make even the most esteemed writer weep. (God, the ego-mania just doesn't stop.) But now that I have the opportunity to simply boil down my election thoughts, I think that these two issues that I should discuss. And to be honest, it's simply because they're the only ones I'm really qualified to discuss.

So let's dive in to the anti-prohibition project. I wanted 19 to pass, and believe me, I didn't really expect much from it's return. The fiscal predictions were just too speculative. And yeah, any revenue is better than no revenue, but again, it was just too nebulous.

My interest in its passing were threefold:

1. I personally feel that marijuana is an appropriate recreational drug. It's less harmful than alcohol, especially if ingested without carcinogens (smoking), and just anectdotally from my experience, it has never lead to violence. Alcohol does. In fact, I'd say in the overwhelming majority of cases involving alcohol, alcohol and or meth is involved. Not pot. The only situation in which I see marijuana being dangerous in that respect is if I have to listen to a drum circle for more than fifteen minutes and end up going nuts on every Phish-head involved.

2. The prohibition of marijuana paradoxically creates violence. Kinda like how the prohibition of alcohol created or at least strengthened organized crime, the prohibition of marijuana fuels a lot of the "bigger" cases up here in Humboldt. For obvious reasons, I cannot get in to the details, but again, it's my personal opinion that if marijuana weren't illegal, people would be less inclined to rob grow operations, front pounds of weed and then rob people, or the like.

3. I think that marijuana can be safely legislated. Now, this is probably why 19 failed in my opinion. The language was a bit vague (what do you expect from a voter initiative), and there were some pretty serious gaps. I think the appropriate thing to do would be to push the California legislature as well as make significant pushes with the federal Department of Justice. Without their consent, any legalization movement would be moot. That's what we heard with 19, and I'd imagine Eric Holder's position would not change, nor would any other Attorney General. And that's something activists need to think about when they push for this again. It's not enough to get 20 million Californians to agree. There will have to be significant movement at the federal level, which by my prediction is the much steeper uphill battle. Put down the bong, and get to work, hippie.

Well, those be my thoughts on November 2. Oh, one last thought. I think that election day NEEDS to be a federal holiday. Actually, November 3. That way, you can stay up late, party, or drown your sorrows when Palin wins!

Part Time Veggie

Hey readers,

Well, I know it's not the new year, or bikini season, but sometimes, just sometimes, the lulls of the year are the best time to evaluate your "life choices."

(And sometimes it helps to have a catalyst. In this case, a very special reader has decided to lead the way.)

That catalyst? Going vegetarian.

I know- most of you that know me would scoff at the idea of me giving up bacon, beef jerkey, buffalo wings, club sandwiches, most any sandwiches, etc.

So, in the spirit of compromise, I've decided to devote at least 1-2 days per week being vegetarian.

And no, not because I think eating animals is wrong (they're delicious!), or for religious reasons, but mostly because it's healthy, and well, it affords me the opportunity to appreciate meat even more. (Absence makes the heart grow stronger- especially if there's less red meat clogging it.)

So, with that goal in mind, I've decided to share some veg-friendly links!

First, a recipe tht I used this past weekend in honor of H-Ween, Pumpkin Risotto:
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/roast-pumpkin-and-feta-risotto/Detail.aspx

Feel free to use any hard squash in lieu of pumpkin and I would strongly recommend homemade veggie broth!

Next, a book bought for LLK (that selfishly I'm sure I'll enjoy from too):
http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Everything-Vegetarian-Meatless/dp/0764524836/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1

This book seems good for those interested in being vegetarians, even if they are meat-eaters. It's non-pretentious, and the recipes explore a lot of different genres of food, and breaks down dishes in their most basic elements. I would suggest it to anyone, regardless of whether they're veggies or not. The rationale is that like my decision, I think everyone can benefit from eliminating meat from a few meals a week. Even if you're in tip-top shape, it provides a different perspective, is less expensive, and the bottomline is generally more healthy!

I'll be posting more recipes that I use incorporating my part-time veg game-plan!

Happy eats, everyone!

Staycation

Hey readers,

I know, I know- it's been a while. But, there's been some good cause. From the 9th-16th, more or less, I was jetsetting all around. Locations included:
- Palo Alto for ayce Brazillian BBQ: awesomeness
- Seeing good peoples in So Cal!
- Celebrating good peoples' wedding in San Diego and seeing LLK's stomping grounds at the school that was smart enough to deny yours truly admission.
- NY
- DC
- NY again
I'm sure I've missed some details, but I'm hoping to have a more extensive blog about places visited/reviews soon!

As for this weekend, it was a most awesome staycation w/ LLK and Russ and Becky, an awesome couple that happened to have a hookup to a place in Trinidad.

For those that don't know, Trinidad is a sleepy coastal town that is stunningly beautiful. Don't believe me? Here's the view from our porch:



So Saturday we went to the Farmer's Market, Renata's (awesome crepe place) Patrick's Point State Park, and then went back to make pizza. The pizzas, one prosciuto and fig, the other veggie, both with awesome Humboldt Goat Cheese, was no laughing matter. Don't believe me?
Observe:




Armed with pizza in hand, we enjoyed beer, ping pong, and a rainy night in watching the NLCS.

Honestly, it was an awesome weekend and I'm grateful to all involved. It's always nice to travel with people that are down to do stuff but also flexible. This group fit that description to the "t."

The only negative is now I'm extremely tempted to start squatting at that house in Trinidad. Sigh, yes my apt. does have a view. Sadly, it's of a domestic violence dispute that I'll appointed on.

I jest, my view is of meth deals and meth deals alone.

More to come this week!

Tuesday Reviewsday!

Hey gang!

So, as I've mentioned in the past, Tuesdays blow. Big time. Not even the cutest cat hanging from a wire, advising me to "hang in there" will suffice.

So, to pass the 4 and a half hours until Hump Day arrives, I thought I'd share with all y'all some of my recent "favorite items." (I'm assuming "favorite things" is a copywritten franchise and I do NOT want to cross Oprah.)

Let's start with food:
As a bachelor residing in a shoebox all by my lonesome, it can be difficult cooking for one. Drinking for one is also difficult, and often turns in to drinking for eight or nine. (Just kidding, I only do meth!)

Anyway, I thought I'd share my current enjoyment for Target brand frozen items, specifically pizza. Tonight, I dined on some of their Goat Cheese and Spinach pizza, paired with some pan-seared chicken sausage and a salad. Needless to say, I am quite sated, and not in that gross "I just ate crap" kind of away. Added bonus: I have lunch for tomorrow.

In sum, give their frozen items a try the next time you are buying random crap from this establishment. I've also heard that they have awesome chocolate ice cream, although it has yet to show up here in Humboldt.

(Post Script to food section: I also offer my apologies to an unnamed reader who maintained that Target now sells hard booze. I was adamant that they didn't, and I failed.)

Up next, in music:

I knocked Ratatat initially as simple, mindless, beatmakers. I was wrong, and here is ample proof that they are, in fact, quite awesome:


On to movies:

I finally got around to making my lazy ass watch the first of the "Apu Trilogy" and partook in Pather Panchali, a sweeping epic that despite being shot in 1955, was brilliant to watch, and the music (Ravi Shankar, the father of the MUCH less talented Norah Jones) was spectacular. I am unbelievably dumb when it comes to articulating film reviews, so I'll just say this: Watch it for your self, and be the judge.

Finally, in books:
The last book I finished? "Slam", by Nick Hornby, author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." I'm sad to report that until this gem, I've never read his work. I've only seen, and loved, movies based on his books. So I figured he must be good, right? RIGHT?! Right, he is that good. "Slam" rides the "underaged and preggerz" phenomenon sweeping pop culture lately, but does it without being preachy, glamorizing the clearly difficult situation, and remains charming. It's a quick read, that if Hollywood is worth its wait in coke should be adapted to the silver screen.

Monday Quarterback

Monday Quarterback: A term, with its meaning rooted in the lexicon of male American machismo, which means to predict outcomes after the fact. Basically, it means to point out all the flaws of a given situation after that situation has occurred.

I felt it appropriate to bring this term up given this is the first Monday after the start of the 2010 season of the NFL. There are ample opportunities to be a Monday Quarterback and point out all the miscues of Bret Favre, for example.

But please allow me apply the term in a completely different context: Opposing Counsel.

Now, I can only speak from a criminal defense perspective, but I'm sure this happens in the civil world as well. You work hard on a case, and throughout investigation, pretrial motions, etc., you are open and honest with opposing counsel about how you think the case should resolve. At least I am. For example, if I'm representing someone who is screaming out of their car, "I'm drunk, motherfuckers," while weaving in and out of lanes, and then blows a .24 on the breathalyzer, I'm not going to tell the District Attorney that they should dismiss the case. Not that I won't represent the guy, either- I'll investigate leads, file motions, etc., but I won't be dishonest with myself.

On the other hand, if I'm handed a bullshit shennanigans nonsensical case, I'll be upfront. I don't do it much, but I will tell the DA that THEY NEED TO DISMISS.

All too often, that request is met with the following sob story: "Oh, Patrick, you know I can't do that! I'd get fiiiiiired."

And at least twice in the past few weeks, I've rolled my eyes, and proceeded to have the court intervene to have the case dismissed.

Which is all fine and dandy, yes. But here's the kicker: Every time I've been lucky enough to win, the following EXACT RESPONSE IS CONDESCENDINGLY TOLD TO ME BY THE DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DIFFERENT ONES, MIND YOU):
"Oh, I could have told you that would have happened..."

I'm, sorry, you're telling me that you could have predicted a court-ruled dismissal WHEN YOU HAD THE POWER TO DO IT WHEN I VERY KINDLY, AND VERY HONESTLY ASKED YOU TO?!

To me, this is Monday Quarterbacking at its very worst. You're not only telling me that your case was weak mere minutes after acting like you prosecuting OJ, but you're also passing the buck. You're dodging blame, in the tackiest way possible.

It's not only stupid, but it's dumb and also stupid. I plan to take it upon myself to mock every single attorney that does it, and continue to take credit when I deserve it, and acknowledge my fuckups, which are plentiful.

Ok, I'm off my pedestal now- Trust me faithful readers (especially the favorite LLK), next post will be more light-hearted.

Hell, no reason I can't start now: Go Ravens!

Reason #576 Why J. Dilla is THE MOST UNDERRATED RAP PRODUCER OF ALL TIME

Also: At least 2 brand spanking new posts this week.

Also: Yes, I know I'm fulfilling the "white suburban kid who loves hip hop" role. I don't give a shit- good music is good music, and I will bump it thusly. And no, I will not turn it down when a brother is near my midnight blue VW beatle a la Michael Bolton in Office Space. If you don't get this reference, your new homework assignment this week is to watch that movie and tell my why it rules using the 5 paragraph system.

Happy Sunday, y'all! (Sorry, LLK!)

In Defense of Criminal Defense...

Was thinking of a topic today, after it was suggested that I update from my favorite reader out their in Internetland.

Thought about movies, thought about books that I'm pretending to read, music that I listen to when I shower, viral videos, etc. It all conjured the same reaction: "Meh."

Then something peculiar happened. I came home, in my shirt and tie, blaring Glassjaw and getting double takes as I rolled in to my spot with my "midnight blue" VW bug. As I was walking up to my shoebox, I saw a client. Our eyes locked for not more than 1.5 seconds. I immediately picked up my pace and chanted the following to myself: "He can't remember you, He can't remember you, He can't remember you." Then I hear:
"Hey- Public Defender guy!"
I couldn't read his tone as friendly or angry, so I quickly waved, mumbled something like, "Hey, remember to not violate your terms of probation and, um..." and got the fuck in to my apartment.

Safely inside, I ran through my options. I could simply forego going to the gym, make some dinner, and forget that I've been seen. I decided to get in to my gym clothes and go out. And then I heard:
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you live here!"
To which I replied a very simple, very dejected, "Ha."

Frankly, I was offended, and here's why: Most people are aware of the negative reputation that criminal defense attorneys get from the public at large. We're seen as loophole arguing, justice hating, slimy scumbags who would love nothing more than to put a pedophile across the street from every elementary school. And don't get me wrong, I'd love that.

Joking aside, I can deal with that reputation. I thrive on it. I love hearing appalled people going, "How could you defend him?!" To which I simply reply, "Look at your constitution, thumb through it, and kindly shut the fuck up." It's not like we love our clients, believe me. It's just that we, as public defenders, kinda enjoy ensuring that peoples' rights are protected, even if we have to do it through the worst of the worst.

But there's a more insidious reputation that most people don't realize from the outside. And it's from our clients. It's the reputation of "dumptruck."

Dumptruck implies that you, as a public defender, would love nothing more than to simply clear cases by resolving them, by any means necessary. It implies that you're best friends with the district attorney, and you conspire together to come up with long jail terms. It implies, at its core, that you just don't care. It is the "n" word to public defenders. And it sucks; Most public defenders fought really hard to get the position they had, and most, if not nearly all, work unbelievably hard and care for people that most people would rather forget. Yes, we get cynical, and yes, we don't get along with every client. But the caliber of zeal and advocacy that I've seen from public defenders is the highest than any other area of law I've ever witnessed. Any attorney in my office can be given a name, and 1-2 clues about a case before they recall most intimate details involving the matter. To me, that's impressive and it's something that I work to perfect.

And I guess that's why I was more or less offended by my run-in this evening. Yes, of course, I don't really want everyone in my complex to know that I'm a public defender, if for any other reason to keep my work and personal life separate. Other than that, I really don't care if you (former client) see me in my street clothes. Why? I'm not a dump truck, even if I get called one, and no matter how much disdain I receive from multiple angles, I will continue to do my job.

Book Review!

Hey gang,

So... tomorrow apparently equals a week from now. Sorry for the delay, but if it's any consolation, in the mean time I have read another book. I'm not going to review, it, however. My original plan was to review "Wonder Boys" by Michael Chabon and I plan to continue that course. I did read "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. As good as that book was, I don't really have the willpower to think about it (it's REALLY depressing).

So...

Wonder Boys was an excellent read, even if it sadly took me FOREVER to finish. Michael Chabon's style is very engaging, and there were more than a few times where I had to sit back and simply marvel at well put-together the prose was.

The plot, centering around a mid-life crisis plagued author/professor torn between 2.5 romantic interests, was also very enjoyable. Chabon does an excellent job of painting characters, their flaws, and giving them voices.

Finally, I liked that the book was set in western Pennsylvania. I don't know the area well, but it seemed well-portrayed and part of the fun of a good book is getting a feel for places you haven't been.

After I finished the book, I decided to see if Netflix had engulfed the rights to show it through their "Watch Now" feature. They had. I decided to give it a whirl. Needless to say, as with any adaptation, I had my gripes. Katie Holmes is annoying in any context, and in this one, her irritating nature shown through even brighter. Even though her character in the book was my least favorite, she somehow went above and beyond and made me want to punch her in her stupid Joey face even more. On the other side, I thought that Sara Gaskell was perfectly cast by Frances McDormand. Michael Douglas was a middle of the road choice (I would have preferred Alec Baldwin, frankly). Robert Downey Jr.? Always a good choice, and I felt that this was no different. There were obvious gaps in the screenplay that were frustrating as well- a complete neglect to the Passover portion of the story, the Vernon Hardapple mix-ups, etc., but all in all, it was a decent adaptation. The movie, I'd give a solid "B."

The book, however? I would rate it at least A-. A solid read, and further proof that Americans can still produce SOLID literature.

With that breath, I will note that I have moved on and accross the pond to a Nick Hornby novel, "Slam." Hopefully I'll finish it before it gets fit for the big screen, but I have a tendancy of being crappy. Wish me luck!

Thinking outside the box

A colleague, one who should know better than to ask my dumbass for advice, has asked me to think of some ideas for her current jury trial. A felony case that runs the risk of some very serious consequences. After much thought and painstaking analysis, my suggestion is for her to do exactly this:



Book report to come tomorrow I swear!

Weekend Recap!

Good morning all,

So I thought this post would be dedicated to my weekend happenings w/ Ms. LLK, of whom I celebrated 3 years of unadulterated, unbridled, unmistakable schmoopiness! (We're still trying to make as many friends and well-wishers vomit. My goal is still seven.)

All establishments will be subsequently reviewed via Yelp.

Friday evening we began at the Carter House Inn, one of the swankiest establishments in the 'Boldt. The thought was originally to scam food from them for their happy hour and imbibe swanky beverages. Unfortunately, they did not have free food at the time. (Lame!) Still, despite this place's reputation as a high-end joint, we were still able to get a draft beer, and a well-crafted lemon drop for $7.50.

We then ventured north to Arcata for foodstuffs. Again, despite our best original intentions, we were forced to improvise. We had planned to consume Japenesey noodles at Japhy's, a place which has held a lot of promise to us, but for whatever reason has always been closed; Imagine our chagrin then, when we discovered that this place would be out of commish until 8/15/2010. To quote my travel-wearied companion, "le boo."

So we ventured next door to Stars, a appropriately hyped burger joint w/ locales in both Eureka and Arcata. I say appropriately hyped because Stars is reasonably priced, no-fuss, and very solid. I had the chili cheese burger and LLK enjoyed a guac/bacon adventure of which I vultured most, if not all the salted piggy meat.

Next it was The Humboldt Crabs season-ender. They were playing Folsom in a WCL tournie, and I felt it was needed to check out the locale sports flavor one last time. Unfortunately, due to miserable weather, and obnoxious patrons in front of us who were taking up too much space, it was really only enjoyable for about 5 innings. What I like about the Crabbies is the local flare, cheap beer, and casualness. What it lacks, however, are the accoutrement of "bigger" minor league ball, like w/ the SJ Giants. The Giants has a lot more creature comforts and I feel like it's a lot closer to MLB than the Crabs, which sadly is a closer kin to your local high school game. But you can't drink (openly) at your local HS game, though, so it will have to do until I am a season-ticket holder for the more-enjoyable Giants.

So that lands us to Saturday morning. We opted for Renaeta's in the morning, the local creperie in Arcata. Crepes are pretty much awesome, so it was a good call. We got a savory and sweet crepe. The savory one contained chevre, spinach, almonds, and ham. The sweet had figs, pears, strawberries, and freshly whipped cream. They were both awesome. LLK even got passed the syrupy nature of the strawberries, which is a huge testament. It is akin to me indulging in something w/ mayonnaise.

Then it was the zoo! I have a big soft-spot for zoos. We used to have season passes to the SD zoo and Wild Animal Park, and as a child, I thought zoologist would be the career for me. I still work with animals, but unfortunately they're called district attorneys and even though they no where to poop, they are by no means as cute or interesting. (Snap!) Anyway, the zoo here is indeed small, but what it lacks in size it makes up in heart and an overall well-thought out layout. There were gibbons, monkeys, a black bear w/ fox, flamingos, and red pandas! Red pandas incidentally are pretty rad and are the "I wish I could domesticate that" of the moment.

After zoo it was back to Arcata for some light bumming around and a visit to Heart Bead for the ever-crafty LLK. Granted, I don't know much about crafting, but this place seems pretty awesome, and its steady stream of crafty customers proves it. However, there was a "pet" peeve egregious error committed here during our stay. This is definitely one of LLK's biggest annoyances, and to be honest, it has now been adopted by me as well. While we were in store, a guy thought it wise to bring his gargantuan, albeit very friendly, dog in store. A dog w/ no orange vest that was kind of all over the place. Let me elaborate- this is a store w/ I'm guessing tens of thousands of beads, placed in tables, placed at waist's height. This situation had disaster all over it. And yes, yes I love dogs. And yes, yes I pet the goggie and scratched it's cute head. But still, I can't imagine what situation any responsible pet-owner thinks that's appropriate. I mean, this guy was clearly waiting out his wife and kid- You can't just fucking wait outside? Also, it was crowded as hell in there- God-forbid there's someone w/ allergies. Blah...

Ok, so then we ate at the afore-blogged Hole in the Wall. The Arcata one is as good as the Eureka one. Oh, sammiches....

The evening eventually rolled around and it was dinner and a show! Dinner at the Arcata-swanky "Follie Duce," where we got wood-fired pizzas. Enjoyable.

Then it was off to HSU's Van Duzer theatre for the local production of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance." Lemme tell, that musical basically stole a bunch of Animaniacs' sketches. All blatant-plagiarism aside, it was a very good production, with one minor blemish, which happened to be.... major.

The "major" general- While I understand their casting in terms of appearance (the guy looked like an old stubborn, stodgy, general), he absolutely blew the marquis number. And by blew, I mean blew. At one point he had to look at the cast on stage for help. It was cringe-worthy at best.

Notwithstanding that "major" guffaw (sorry for the pun), the rest of the production was very, very enjoyable. Yes, I am more or less in the sticks. But it's very comforting to know that if I need to, I can get some certifiable culture amongst the meth and marijuana!

All in all, it was a very awesome weekend, and a reminder that even in places a bit (ok, a lot) removed from the "city-life," as long as you have great company (and I did), you can carve out an awesome time.

Finally, here are my blawg goals for this week:
1 culture opinion entry (TV, book, music or trio)
1 current event entry
1 more food entry

Enjoy your week, my handful of dedicated!

Hey, It's Tuesday

Which is stupid. Tuesday's mean afternoon calendars, three more days until LLK, and more or less three days since LLK. (Don't check my math on that one, I'm pretty sure I'm right.)

You can get drunk on Tuesday, sure. Taco tuesday's, two-for-tuesdays, etc., but at the end of the night, you're still staring down the barrel of three more hellish days of work, right? Right?!

Well, in the interest of softening the blow of Tuesdays and how much they blow, I thought I'd throw all y'alls some tidbits.

1. My first Humboldt yelp review. (Yes, I'm that self-involved.) Enjoy, specifically if you're in the area and want a sandwich (protip: there's another location in Arcata!):
Hole in the Wall!

2. Foreign Music Tuesday! Although embedding is disabled on this video, I strongly encourage you all to partake in this song. Cafe Tacvba is more or less the U2 of Mexico. Or would that make them the Coldplay of Argentina. Blah, I'm confused. Regardless, this song is good and a fine listen for the Tuesday blues... aka.... BLUESday! (you all hate me now, I know):
Puntos Cardinales

3. Today's "my two cents of the day:"
Celebrity and jail are two terms that together, conjur a whole mixed-bag of emotions from most people. "Blah blah blah they get off scott free," and "Blah blah blah money blah blah," are what pop in to my mind. So let's consider the Lo-Lo scandal, shall we? So, on the face of the story, I can easily see a lot of people getting very indignant. She was sentenced 90 days, and has thus far served 14. And now she may be released to serve out the remainder in in-patient rehab.

It's seems bogus, but if you can believe it, it's not unbelievable favoritism. Let's explore why:

a. First, Lindsay has plead to a probation violation. Standard sentences on violations vary from county to county, but should a person violate misdemeanor probation, the court, along with defense counsel and the district attorney, have a wide lattitude in options for a sentence.

Further, people can violate probation in a whole myriad of ways. They can pick up a new case, provide a dirty piss test, or in the case of Lo-Lo, just fail to do what was asked of her because, presumably, she was too good to do what a judge tells her (editorial comment.) With that said, the above lattitude is generally used to determine the appropriate remedy for the violation.

I'm guessing that that's what happened here. The judge, DA, and defense counsel came up with a game plan that included jail that worked for all parties. Before you get all pissy about the "Hollywood" aspect, believe me, I've been able to work better deals for clients who more of train wrecks.

b. I'm envisioning the knee-jerk reaction of any, let's say, "Tea-party" douche bag to be as follows: "She served 14 days?! 14 days?!! They should put her away for a LOT longer. 'Merica!"

That's fine, Joe/Mary Teabagg. But, remember how you're also pissing and moaning about taxes and how blah blah blah 'Merica? Yeah, our state can't really afford to house nonviolent offenders for very long. That's why California Penal Code Section 4019 exists. Yup, not only am I reviewing sammiches, I'm dropping penal code knowledge. So, 4019 essentially provides that any misdemeanor time (including that of probation violations for misdemanors) gets 2 for 1 credits. That means, in essence, if I'm sentenced to 120 days in county jail, I will only have to serve 60. I know this may piss off a lot, but before it does, stop and ask yourself, do you really want to lock up those menacing "driving on suspended license" criminals? Or those pesky drunk-in-publics? I can understand DUI's, but believe me, there's enough penalties in that charge to really fuck with a person.

So for Ms. Lo-Lo, if this article is accurate, she's served 14 actual days. Which is to say, she's served 28 days pursuant to Penal Code section 4019. That's not special treatment. My homeless clients would get the same calculation. So now she's got 90 days minus 28 days credit time served, and if my math is correct that would be 72 days left to serve. Which leads us to "c."

c. She's getting admitted to an "in-patient" facility. So Hollywood, right? You're actually wrong. Believe it or not, my indigent (po') clients can get assistence in to SSI funded in-patient facilities that would lead to the same result. Obviously, it wouldn't happen as seemlessly as for Ms. Lohan, but it can happen.

So, if you consider "a-c," you should reach a couple of conclusions. First, Ms. Lohan, although adorned by media and lit up by the spotlight, is not really receiving unfair treatment by the "system." Second, she probably could have saved a boat-load in attorney's fees and stuck with her local, trust-worthy, neighborhood public defender. I coulda gotten that bitch out in a week.

Happy Tuesday! (Sorry, LLK!)

After a frustrating day...

This pleases me:

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

Couplea Things...

1. This video pleases me on SO many levels- good music, ridiculous music, Asians, slo mo, etc. Enjoys:


2. Remember when I was all super amped about winning my jury trial last post? Well, word to the wise for all noob Public Defender. That shit fades, and fades quickly. It took all of one day before I had an "in-custody" client (someone who was in jail and wasn't getting out on their own recognizance) ask for my bar number so that they could "file a complaint." Before you get all concerned for my professional liability, it's fine. Still, no matter how crazy the client is, it always rattles your cage.

3. Speaking of rattling cages, the juvenile deliquency attorney in my office (the public defender of kids accused of committing crimes) provided me with the most touching, soul-crushing poetry of one of her clients who has overcome SO much. I won't get in to details, but suffice it to say, you should all be hugging the nearest person you care about. Seriously. There's so much pain and crap that comes through my office and just in the world in general. I know it's cliche, and I know it's cheese, but this week I was genuinely forced to count my lucky stars. And I have more than I probably deserve. Probably deserve? Fuck that, I don't deserve half as much as I have, so I'll just say it- If you're reading this, I'm happy you're in my life and have consistently put up with my shit.

4. Cows:


5. California is nonsensical- This weekend I had the joy to be in the Sac Area with AMAZING people enjoying the State Fair and Downtown Davis. The company was great- however the temperatures topped the low 100's. And yes it was a dry heat, but still... Oddly, I'm still in the same state and I'm pretty sure it topped out at 61 today. Odd...

Chase that feeling

Well, gang, this seems as good a time as any to update. Namely, because I WON MY FIRST JURY TRIAL!!!

Yes, the third time's the charm, and I must say that it has me energized, elated, and very, VERY vindicated.

So, as far as professional baseball hitting stats go, I would for sure be a candidate for the all star team right now, batting .333.

Obviously, I need to take the win with some perspective, though. I will still lose the overwhelming majority of my cases. I will still have clients plead guilty to crimes they may have not committed just to get released from custody. And I will still have clients that will call me "dumptruck," "public preteder," and mix me up with the other male misdemeanor deputy from my office. :-/

Still, as far as wins go, I'm going to ride this one for a while, and continue to chase the feeling- when a case is defensible, I'm going to pull out all the stops, even if it means I get stressed, frustrate front office staff because my office has more errant files than Area 51, and I have to eat frozen dinners while figuring out in limine motions to file the morning after. When you work hard for something, and you're right, it just feels SOOOOO GOOOOOD.

So, up to this date, I can effectively gloat that I've won a jury trial, won a suppression motion (two weeks ago- which was also awesome), and won a revocation hearing. I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my skin as an attorney, which definitely accounts for a few of the dollars that I, and my fellow public defenders don't get enough of.

I'd also like to send a very special interwebz shout out to a very special interwebz reader who made me Indian food over the weekend. Much like her sandwiches which were the sole reason for me passing the bar (besides my cheating), I'm going to say that they played the pivotal role in getting the coveted two-word verdict.

Meat Grinder Days...

Lemme tell yeah...

Jury selection- the thing they don't teach you in law school because it's impossible.

+

A full afternoon calendar with a bunch of clients who didn't bother to come to their appointments to talk about their case and somehow expected miracles from their beleaguered court-appointed advocate

+

An impending ridiculous motion being heard tomorrow. (Hint: I'm asking the court to conduct a photo lineup. Something that can be done. With PEOPLE, not PURSES.)

=



This song on loop, while I laugh over a burning evidence code book.

Name the charge...

Colleagues in the DA's office... help a brother out- Is this a 415 (disturbing the peace (certainly disturbing her pieces.... zing!), simple battery, sexual battery (?), or what?



My guess is California Penal Code section 647(x)- Being an over-the-top wedding DJ.

The Skagen Effect

Most that have encountered yours truly would use the following adjectives to describe me (or at least that's how my delusional mind sees it):
agreeable
friendly
silly
hairy

I don't think the following apply:
gruff
irritable
angry

Still, it has been brought to my attention at work that if any of the latter qualities are present, they are present to a noticeable degree; When I'm in a malaise, any involved parties are more than aware.

So I pondered. I kept asking myself, "what the hell is up with my mojo, my chutzpah, my joie de vivre (which I've been informed doesn't have an English analog)?"

Well, I pin-pointed the problem. On days where I have court, and I don't have my watch, I visibly have a funk. Otherwise, I'm the Mary Poppins of the Public Defender. Except for the magic. And the banging dudes for coke. (She did that, right?)

The reason is threefold.

1. The gift-giver of said watch is awesome, and wearing said item reflects said awesomeness.

2. It looks nice and makes me confident.

3. And this is the stupidest reason: About a week in of going to court, I realized that you don't have to subject your watch to the metal detector if you raise your hand as you walk through. And for whatever reason, this act- walking through a metal detector with my arm raised- makes me feel like FUCKING ROYALTY. I don't know what it is, but the next time you see me, ask to demonstrate my regal strut. I'm relatively certain it's on par with me skipping, me waiving, or me skipping whilst waving (the famed combo).

Needless to say, I've since implemented a morning checklist to ensure it's attachment to my left wrist, or on days where I want to confuse people, my right.

What music helps keep a public pretender going?

Thanks to a reader out there who has helped me acquire music within my budget, I am... well, listening to more music lately.

And thanks to another reader who has provided me with (legal) means to listen to said music, I am... well, listening to more music everywhere.

This is obviously a good thing. I could site some studies that show that listening to music often makes you a better person, more agile, and a better dancer, but I'm too lazy to find something like that. So I'll just submit my anecdotal study for your consideration; I like listening to lots of music.

So, with that in mind, allow me to hit you with what is gracing my ipod and my computer as of late.

1. "An Announcement to Answer"- Quantic


If you like chill grooves, thought-out beats, all made by someone who is clearly a musician, this is your album. Although it technically qualifies for some variant of "electronica" as a genre (or sub-genre), there is something extremely complex in Quantic's work that you seldom see by most "beat makers." A great album to work out to, work to, or just have on in the background.

2. "Uptown Saturday Night"- Camp lo


1997 Hip Hop at its finest. Haven't heard of them? Yeah, me neither really until they popped up on my Little Brother Pandora station. Their samples, routed in funk and soul, are AMAZING. I really have nothing else to add, other than this album is a must-listen if you even remotely like hip hop.

3. "Donuts"- J. Dilla


It's likely that if you listen to hip hop, you've heard J Dilla, even if you can't recognize his work. He's collaborated with Slum Village, Talib Kwali, and Common, when he still made good albums (contributing heavily to "Like Water for Chocolate.") Sadly, on February 10, 2006, Dilla passed away, suffering from a cardiac arrest attributed to a rare blood disease.

This album's not for everyone- with short tracks composed of random beats, I could easily see how it could rub a lot the wrong way. However, I can't help but feel that there's something for everyone in this album. There's such a breadth in style that is so unique that it literally saddens me to know that he's not around to make good beats for the likes of the folks at Stones Throw, or De La Soul, etc.

Here's my favorite track:


And, with a special shotout to one of the two readers mentioned above, here's my favorite video and song of Dilla:



And sorry Wes, it ain't for you. (but thanks for the dl'ing music protips.)

Environs...

Protect Thems...

Tuesday Movie Review & Drinking Game

For this post, I'll be reviewing two somewhat related movies I recently watched: The Constant Gardener and The Last King of Scotland. Since the both involve Africa, British Involvement in Africa, depressing stuff, and global politics, I felt they were ripe for drinking games. You could watch both, while getting depressed, and get totally hammered! Glorious!

Let's start with "The Last King of Scotland."


Summary: Taking place during the turbulent transition of power from Milton Obote to British-trained Idi Amin in 1970's Uganda, the film follows a fictional Scottish doctor and his involvement with the new "president" as his personal physician. At first the doctor, although mostly altruistic and good-hearted, enjoyed the benefits of having access to the most powerful man in Uganda; however, he quickly and tragically learns that Amin, in addition to being unpredicatably eccentric, is essentially an ethnic cleansing, dissident disappearing, woman-multilating son of a bitch.

Review: Forrest Whitaker's performance is as large as Idi Amin's presence in the movie. I really believed that at times Whitaker's Amin genuinely believed in his own delusions and visions of grandiosity. James McAvoy and Gilian Anderson also have solid performances, although I didn't think they got anywhere near Whitaker's. And you can't really fault them. Idi Amin, the actual person, is a captivating character and it only make sense that a viewer would be sucked in to the portrayal.

The movie also does a good job of maintaining suspense, tactfully handling the horrors of Amin's crimes, and highlighting the unstable governments.

My own gripe is with the plot arc involving Dr. Garrigan and his various love interests. I won't divulge much here, but I just felt that they were kind of thrown in there haphazardly. Not terrible, but not terribly compelling, either. Still, they weren't so offensive to me that I wouldn't give the movie an A-.

Now, next one:
"The Constant Gardener"



Summary: Justin Quayle, played by Ralph Fiennes, is a British Diplomat. He meets, falls in love with, and marries an activist, Tessa, played by Rachel Weicz. She follows him to Kenya, where she pursues her passions. She ends up murdered amidst accusations of infidelity, and Quayle begins to unravel her mysterious death.

As he learns that she was nothing but loyal to him, he also begins to see the work that she was involved with to expose corrupt politicians and pharmaceutical giants experimenting on Africans.

Review: As you'd expect, once Qualye begins to scratch at the surface, the movie picks up in intensity. Like "Scotland," it does a great job keeping you invested and is well supported by Fiennes'. The movie wasn't overly confusing, as is the case all too often with conspiracy movies. While one may argue that that made it predictable, I find that it was still compelling enough to enjoy a lot.

I'd give it a B+/A-

THE DRINKING GAME:
I know, I know- it may be in bad taste to make a drinking game to two movies that highlight the plight of the developing world, but fuck is it depressing! And what makes depressing things better (or more depressing)? Alcohol!

The rules (some apply if you're only white- sorry!):
1 drink every time you feel guilty that you're white
1 drink every time you think about doing some kind of humanitarian work in Africa
7 drinks every time you tell someone you're thinking of doing some kind of humanitarian work in Africa
1 Gin and Tonic every time you see a mosquito or other insect
1 drink every time you repeat a word said with an African accent in your head
1 drink every time you try to think of where is country is located and can't remember
1 drink every time a group of children runs along with a bus
1 drink every time a British person says something condescending about the developing world
10 drinks every time you research the Peace Corps after you have really have yourself convinced that, "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go and do the Peace Corps."
1 coffee after you realize you don't have the constitution to commit to two years and a new set of vaccinations.

Initial Observations

Hey gang,

Been a while, but as I'm slowly getting adjusted to life up here, I've also realized that I've put off updating you guys long enough.

Not going to lie, it was a rough start. New place, not knowing anyone, sunshine in limited doses even for me all added up to a significant malaise, if not what bordered clinical depression. Luckily, and with help from my friends and very loved ones, I am managing. I'm beginning to carve out a routine, including staying active with the gym, trying to read more, watch movies, etc.

Work has been interesting, to say the least. I was basically thrown in to the fold pretty immediately, assigned to my own department where all my cases will either be settled or set for trial.

I've gone through my first jury trial already, even! Sadly, it did not go so well. Three one-word verdicts... Still, it afforded me the opportunity to learn, and get over the fear of cross examination, voir dire (jury selection) and the ever-so-intimidating closing.

I'm definitely understanding the over-worked public "pretender" stereotype. Still, I'm not all jaded yet. I am loving relearning rules of evidence (I know, how nerdy), learning about suppression motions, etc., etc.

Ok, and as I'm well aware, I'm yet again failing at the keeping the blog updated. So, I think what I'd like to test out is trying to have one post at a minimum per week dedicated to the work that I'm up to- my frustrations, successes, etc. Then, I'd like to try to have other posts talking about I'm reading, listening to, watching, etc. Finally, any and all updates as to my wacky life and the people that are crazy enough to involve themselves it will be updated here as well. Because I'm a self-agrandzing attention whore. And because it's kinda lonely up here and it's nice to reach out.

(Much thanks to one very special reader out there who has patiently reminded me to update this. She is quite awesome, makes a mean sandwich, and makes weekends worth working towards. wwld.)

Culture Shock

As many know, I'm moving to Humboldt county this weekend and starting my new jorb. In an effort to learn the demographical landscape, I decided to check out the local police blotter. In a word:

ENJOYABLE

I'm sure this barely scratches the quirky surface of my new client-base, but I'll be sure to keep y'all posted.

Sobering...

It's a very weird thing to have an email account to which you have no access....

yet...

http://co.humboldt.ca.us/pubdefnd/

More to come this week...