Tuesday Reviewsday!

Hey gang!

So, as I've mentioned in the past, Tuesdays blow. Big time. Not even the cutest cat hanging from a wire, advising me to "hang in there" will suffice.

So, to pass the 4 and a half hours until Hump Day arrives, I thought I'd share with all y'all some of my recent "favorite items." (I'm assuming "favorite things" is a copywritten franchise and I do NOT want to cross Oprah.)

Let's start with food:
As a bachelor residing in a shoebox all by my lonesome, it can be difficult cooking for one. Drinking for one is also difficult, and often turns in to drinking for eight or nine. (Just kidding, I only do meth!)

Anyway, I thought I'd share my current enjoyment for Target brand frozen items, specifically pizza. Tonight, I dined on some of their Goat Cheese and Spinach pizza, paired with some pan-seared chicken sausage and a salad. Needless to say, I am quite sated, and not in that gross "I just ate crap" kind of away. Added bonus: I have lunch for tomorrow.

In sum, give their frozen items a try the next time you are buying random crap from this establishment. I've also heard that they have awesome chocolate ice cream, although it has yet to show up here in Humboldt.

(Post Script to food section: I also offer my apologies to an unnamed reader who maintained that Target now sells hard booze. I was adamant that they didn't, and I failed.)

Up next, in music:

I knocked Ratatat initially as simple, mindless, beatmakers. I was wrong, and here is ample proof that they are, in fact, quite awesome:


On to movies:

I finally got around to making my lazy ass watch the first of the "Apu Trilogy" and partook in Pather Panchali, a sweeping epic that despite being shot in 1955, was brilliant to watch, and the music (Ravi Shankar, the father of the MUCH less talented Norah Jones) was spectacular. I am unbelievably dumb when it comes to articulating film reviews, so I'll just say this: Watch it for your self, and be the judge.

Finally, in books:
The last book I finished? "Slam", by Nick Hornby, author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." I'm sad to report that until this gem, I've never read his work. I've only seen, and loved, movies based on his books. So I figured he must be good, right? RIGHT?! Right, he is that good. "Slam" rides the "underaged and preggerz" phenomenon sweeping pop culture lately, but does it without being preachy, glamorizing the clearly difficult situation, and remains charming. It's a quick read, that if Hollywood is worth its wait in coke should be adapted to the silver screen.

Monday Quarterback

Monday Quarterback: A term, with its meaning rooted in the lexicon of male American machismo, which means to predict outcomes after the fact. Basically, it means to point out all the flaws of a given situation after that situation has occurred.

I felt it appropriate to bring this term up given this is the first Monday after the start of the 2010 season of the NFL. There are ample opportunities to be a Monday Quarterback and point out all the miscues of Bret Favre, for example.

But please allow me apply the term in a completely different context: Opposing Counsel.

Now, I can only speak from a criminal defense perspective, but I'm sure this happens in the civil world as well. You work hard on a case, and throughout investigation, pretrial motions, etc., you are open and honest with opposing counsel about how you think the case should resolve. At least I am. For example, if I'm representing someone who is screaming out of their car, "I'm drunk, motherfuckers," while weaving in and out of lanes, and then blows a .24 on the breathalyzer, I'm not going to tell the District Attorney that they should dismiss the case. Not that I won't represent the guy, either- I'll investigate leads, file motions, etc., but I won't be dishonest with myself.

On the other hand, if I'm handed a bullshit shennanigans nonsensical case, I'll be upfront. I don't do it much, but I will tell the DA that THEY NEED TO DISMISS.

All too often, that request is met with the following sob story: "Oh, Patrick, you know I can't do that! I'd get fiiiiiired."

And at least twice in the past few weeks, I've rolled my eyes, and proceeded to have the court intervene to have the case dismissed.

Which is all fine and dandy, yes. But here's the kicker: Every time I've been lucky enough to win, the following EXACT RESPONSE IS CONDESCENDINGLY TOLD TO ME BY THE DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DIFFERENT ONES, MIND YOU):
"Oh, I could have told you that would have happened..."

I'm, sorry, you're telling me that you could have predicted a court-ruled dismissal WHEN YOU HAD THE POWER TO DO IT WHEN I VERY KINDLY, AND VERY HONESTLY ASKED YOU TO?!

To me, this is Monday Quarterbacking at its very worst. You're not only telling me that your case was weak mere minutes after acting like you prosecuting OJ, but you're also passing the buck. You're dodging blame, in the tackiest way possible.

It's not only stupid, but it's dumb and also stupid. I plan to take it upon myself to mock every single attorney that does it, and continue to take credit when I deserve it, and acknowledge my fuckups, which are plentiful.

Ok, I'm off my pedestal now- Trust me faithful readers (especially the favorite LLK), next post will be more light-hearted.

Hell, no reason I can't start now: Go Ravens!

Reason #576 Why J. Dilla is THE MOST UNDERRATED RAP PRODUCER OF ALL TIME

Also: At least 2 brand spanking new posts this week.

Also: Yes, I know I'm fulfilling the "white suburban kid who loves hip hop" role. I don't give a shit- good music is good music, and I will bump it thusly. And no, I will not turn it down when a brother is near my midnight blue VW beatle a la Michael Bolton in Office Space. If you don't get this reference, your new homework assignment this week is to watch that movie and tell my why it rules using the 5 paragraph system.

Happy Sunday, y'all! (Sorry, LLK!)