You really can't make this stuff up:
Why can't my clients be more like this guy?!
Dude is dressed as a breathalyzer, and gets popped for a DUI?! Zomg, I really can't think of anything better. I've dealt with hundreds of DUI's at this point, and yes, there have been some good ones. But this tops the cake.
And I don't care what the blood alcohol content is with this guy, if he were my client, I would BEG for him to take it trial. And wear the costume.
While I'm talking about professional goals, I'll share some others:
- take a drunk in public to trial, because they're generally stupid cases.
- take a driving on suspended license to trial and win, because they're generally impossible to win.
- do an entire afternoon pretrial calendar imitating Christopher Walken.
- Exclaim in court that the "whole damned system is out of order."
- Bow ties.
- Make a DA cry in open court.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Weathering the Storm...
(Let me first air my chagrin- I had written feverishly last night a list of cataloged thoughts on a number of election issues, boiling down a lot of the propositions and saved it. Google begs to differ, and now I am forced to start from scratch. [In the style of LLK]: Le Boo.)
http://www.co.humboldt.ca.us/election/results/2010/2010nov-final-report.pdf
The above link preserves my sanity.
And without getting in to the nitty-gritty, and without getting hyper political, I can confidently say that the people in my office, and the community in general, needed the incumbent to win the District Attorney's race.
I can also say that even though this a mid-term election, and my fourth or fifth one (?), it was the most exciting, because it had the most bearing on me personally. (Ok, yes, that's a bit ego-maniacal.)
In any event, it was a nasty race, that had a lot (too many) names dragged through the mud, including the victims of crime that were essentially postured for political points. Yes, it was that ugly. It's over, thank God, and now the fine citizens of Humboldt County can sit back and wait until the recall effort gains momentum. Sigh...
The other big thing that I was keeping my eye out on was, yes, Proposition 19. Now, the thoughts I wrote last night on everything else were indeed salient, well thought-out, and the prose would make even the most esteemed writer weep. (God, the ego-mania just doesn't stop.) But now that I have the opportunity to simply boil down my election thoughts, I think that these two issues that I should discuss. And to be honest, it's simply because they're the only ones I'm really qualified to discuss.
So let's dive in to the anti-prohibition project. I wanted 19 to pass, and believe me, I didn't really expect much from it's return. The fiscal predictions were just too speculative. And yeah, any revenue is better than no revenue, but again, it was just too nebulous.
My interest in its passing were threefold:
1. I personally feel that marijuana is an appropriate recreational drug. It's less harmful than alcohol, especially if ingested without carcinogens (smoking), and just anectdotally from my experience, it has never lead to violence. Alcohol does. In fact, I'd say in the overwhelming majority of cases involving alcohol, alcohol and or meth is involved. Not pot. The only situation in which I see marijuana being dangerous in that respect is if I have to listen to a drum circle for more than fifteen minutes and end up going nuts on every Phish-head involved.
2. The prohibition of marijuana paradoxically creates violence. Kinda like how the prohibition of alcohol created or at least strengthened organized crime, the prohibition of marijuana fuels a lot of the "bigger" cases up here in Humboldt. For obvious reasons, I cannot get in to the details, but again, it's my personal opinion that if marijuana weren't illegal, people would be less inclined to rob grow operations, front pounds of weed and then rob people, or the like.
3. I think that marijuana can be safely legislated. Now, this is probably why 19 failed in my opinion. The language was a bit vague (what do you expect from a voter initiative), and there were some pretty serious gaps. I think the appropriate thing to do would be to push the California legislature as well as make significant pushes with the federal Department of Justice. Without their consent, any legalization movement would be moot. That's what we heard with 19, and I'd imagine Eric Holder's position would not change, nor would any other Attorney General. And that's something activists need to think about when they push for this again. It's not enough to get 20 million Californians to agree. There will have to be significant movement at the federal level, which by my prediction is the much steeper uphill battle. Put down the bong, and get to work, hippie.
Well, those be my thoughts on November 2. Oh, one last thought. I think that election day NEEDS to be a federal holiday. Actually, November 3. That way, you can stay up late, party, or drown your sorrows when Palin wins!
http://www.co.humboldt.ca.us/election/results/2010/2010nov-final-report.pdf
The above link preserves my sanity.
And without getting in to the nitty-gritty, and without getting hyper political, I can confidently say that the people in my office, and the community in general, needed the incumbent to win the District Attorney's race.
I can also say that even though this a mid-term election, and my fourth or fifth one (?), it was the most exciting, because it had the most bearing on me personally. (Ok, yes, that's a bit ego-maniacal.)
In any event, it was a nasty race, that had a lot (too many) names dragged through the mud, including the victims of crime that were essentially postured for political points. Yes, it was that ugly. It's over, thank God, and now the fine citizens of Humboldt County can sit back and wait until the recall effort gains momentum. Sigh...
The other big thing that I was keeping my eye out on was, yes, Proposition 19. Now, the thoughts I wrote last night on everything else were indeed salient, well thought-out, and the prose would make even the most esteemed writer weep. (God, the ego-mania just doesn't stop.) But now that I have the opportunity to simply boil down my election thoughts, I think that these two issues that I should discuss. And to be honest, it's simply because they're the only ones I'm really qualified to discuss.
So let's dive in to the anti-prohibition project. I wanted 19 to pass, and believe me, I didn't really expect much from it's return. The fiscal predictions were just too speculative. And yeah, any revenue is better than no revenue, but again, it was just too nebulous.
My interest in its passing were threefold:
1. I personally feel that marijuana is an appropriate recreational drug. It's less harmful than alcohol, especially if ingested without carcinogens (smoking), and just anectdotally from my experience, it has never lead to violence. Alcohol does. In fact, I'd say in the overwhelming majority of cases involving alcohol, alcohol and or meth is involved. Not pot. The only situation in which I see marijuana being dangerous in that respect is if I have to listen to a drum circle for more than fifteen minutes and end up going nuts on every Phish-head involved.
2. The prohibition of marijuana paradoxically creates violence. Kinda like how the prohibition of alcohol created or at least strengthened organized crime, the prohibition of marijuana fuels a lot of the "bigger" cases up here in Humboldt. For obvious reasons, I cannot get in to the details, but again, it's my personal opinion that if marijuana weren't illegal, people would be less inclined to rob grow operations, front pounds of weed and then rob people, or the like.
3. I think that marijuana can be safely legislated. Now, this is probably why 19 failed in my opinion. The language was a bit vague (what do you expect from a voter initiative), and there were some pretty serious gaps. I think the appropriate thing to do would be to push the California legislature as well as make significant pushes with the federal Department of Justice. Without their consent, any legalization movement would be moot. That's what we heard with 19, and I'd imagine Eric Holder's position would not change, nor would any other Attorney General. And that's something activists need to think about when they push for this again. It's not enough to get 20 million Californians to agree. There will have to be significant movement at the federal level, which by my prediction is the much steeper uphill battle. Put down the bong, and get to work, hippie.
Well, those be my thoughts on November 2. Oh, one last thought. I think that election day NEEDS to be a federal holiday. Actually, November 3. That way, you can stay up late, party, or drown your sorrows when Palin wins!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Part Time Veggie
Hey readers,
Well, I know it's not the new year, or bikini season, but sometimes, just sometimes, the lulls of the year are the best time to evaluate your "life choices."
(And sometimes it helps to have a catalyst. In this case, a very special reader has decided to lead the way.)
That catalyst? Going vegetarian.
I know- most of you that know me would scoff at the idea of me giving up bacon, beef jerkey, buffalo wings, club sandwiches, most any sandwiches, etc.
So, in the spirit of compromise, I've decided to devote at least 1-2 days per week being vegetarian.
And no, not because I think eating animals is wrong (they're delicious!), or for religious reasons, but mostly because it's healthy, and well, it affords me the opportunity to appreciate meat even more. (Absence makes the heart grow stronger- especially if there's less red meat clogging it.)
So, with that goal in mind, I've decided to share some veg-friendly links!
First, a recipe tht I used this past weekend in honor of H-Ween, Pumpkin Risotto:
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/roast-pumpkin-and-feta-risotto/Detail.aspx
Feel free to use any hard squash in lieu of pumpkin and I would strongly recommend homemade veggie broth!
Next, a book bought for LLK (that selfishly I'm sure I'll enjoy from too):
http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Everything-Vegetarian-Meatless/dp/0764524836/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1
This book seems good for those interested in being vegetarians, even if they are meat-eaters. It's non-pretentious, and the recipes explore a lot of different genres of food, and breaks down dishes in their most basic elements. I would suggest it to anyone, regardless of whether they're veggies or not. The rationale is that like my decision, I think everyone can benefit from eliminating meat from a few meals a week. Even if you're in tip-top shape, it provides a different perspective, is less expensive, and the bottomline is generally more healthy!
I'll be posting more recipes that I use incorporating my part-time veg game-plan!
Happy eats, everyone!
Well, I know it's not the new year, or bikini season, but sometimes, just sometimes, the lulls of the year are the best time to evaluate your "life choices."
(And sometimes it helps to have a catalyst. In this case, a very special reader has decided to lead the way.)
That catalyst? Going vegetarian.
I know- most of you that know me would scoff at the idea of me giving up bacon, beef jerkey, buffalo wings, club sandwiches, most any sandwiches, etc.
So, in the spirit of compromise, I've decided to devote at least 1-2 days per week being vegetarian.
And no, not because I think eating animals is wrong (they're delicious!), or for religious reasons, but mostly because it's healthy, and well, it affords me the opportunity to appreciate meat even more. (Absence makes the heart grow stronger- especially if there's less red meat clogging it.)
So, with that goal in mind, I've decided to share some veg-friendly links!
First, a recipe tht I used this past weekend in honor of H-Ween, Pumpkin Risotto:
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/roast-pumpkin-and-feta-risotto/Detail.aspx
Feel free to use any hard squash in lieu of pumpkin and I would strongly recommend homemade veggie broth!
Next, a book bought for LLK (that selfishly I'm sure I'll enjoy from too):
http://www.amazon.com/How-Cook-Everything-Vegetarian-Meatless/dp/0764524836/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1
This book seems good for those interested in being vegetarians, even if they are meat-eaters. It's non-pretentious, and the recipes explore a lot of different genres of food, and breaks down dishes in their most basic elements. I would suggest it to anyone, regardless of whether they're veggies or not. The rationale is that like my decision, I think everyone can benefit from eliminating meat from a few meals a week. Even if you're in tip-top shape, it provides a different perspective, is less expensive, and the bottomline is generally more healthy!
I'll be posting more recipes that I use incorporating my part-time veg game-plan!
Happy eats, everyone!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Staycation
Hey readers,
I know, I know- it's been a while. But, there's been some good cause. From the 9th-16th, more or less, I was jetsetting all around. Locations included:
- Palo Alto for ayce Brazillian BBQ: awesomeness
- Seeing good peoples in So Cal!
- Celebrating good peoples' wedding in San Diego and seeing LLK's stomping grounds at the school that was smart enough to deny yours truly admission.
- NY
- DC
- NY again
I'm sure I've missed some details, but I'm hoping to have a more extensive blog about places visited/reviews soon!
As for this weekend, it was a most awesome staycation w/ LLK and Russ and Becky, an awesome couple that happened to have a hookup to a place in Trinidad.
For those that don't know, Trinidad is a sleepy coastal town that is stunningly beautiful. Don't believe me? Here's the view from our porch:
So Saturday we went to the Farmer's Market, Renata's (awesome crepe place) Patrick's Point State Park, and then went back to make pizza. The pizzas, one prosciuto and fig, the other veggie, both with awesome Humboldt Goat Cheese, was no laughing matter. Don't believe me?
Observe:
Armed with pizza in hand, we enjoyed beer, ping pong, and a rainy night in watching the NLCS.
Honestly, it was an awesome weekend and I'm grateful to all involved. It's always nice to travel with people that are down to do stuff but also flexible. This group fit that description to the "t."
The only negative is now I'm extremely tempted to start squatting at that house in Trinidad. Sigh, yes my apt. does have a view. Sadly, it's of a domestic violence dispute that I'll appointed on.
I jest, my view is of meth deals and meth deals alone.
More to come this week!
I know, I know- it's been a while. But, there's been some good cause. From the 9th-16th, more or less, I was jetsetting all around. Locations included:
- Palo Alto for ayce Brazillian BBQ: awesomeness
- Seeing good peoples in So Cal!
- Celebrating good peoples' wedding in San Diego and seeing LLK's stomping grounds at the school that was smart enough to deny yours truly admission.
- NY
- DC
- NY again
I'm sure I've missed some details, but I'm hoping to have a more extensive blog about places visited/reviews soon!
As for this weekend, it was a most awesome staycation w/ LLK and Russ and Becky, an awesome couple that happened to have a hookup to a place in Trinidad.
For those that don't know, Trinidad is a sleepy coastal town that is stunningly beautiful. Don't believe me? Here's the view from our porch:
So Saturday we went to the Farmer's Market, Renata's (awesome crepe place) Patrick's Point State Park, and then went back to make pizza. The pizzas, one prosciuto and fig, the other veggie, both with awesome Humboldt Goat Cheese, was no laughing matter. Don't believe me?
Observe:
Armed with pizza in hand, we enjoyed beer, ping pong, and a rainy night in watching the NLCS.
Honestly, it was an awesome weekend and I'm grateful to all involved. It's always nice to travel with people that are down to do stuff but also flexible. This group fit that description to the "t."
The only negative is now I'm extremely tempted to start squatting at that house in Trinidad. Sigh, yes my apt. does have a view. Sadly, it's of a domestic violence dispute that I'll appointed on.
I jest, my view is of meth deals and meth deals alone.
More to come this week!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesday Reviewsday!
Hey gang!
So, as I've mentioned in the past, Tuesdays blow. Big time. Not even the cutest cat hanging from a wire, advising me to "hang in there" will suffice.
So, to pass the 4 and a half hours until Hump Day arrives, I thought I'd share with all y'all some of my recent "favorite items." (I'm assuming "favorite things" is a copywritten franchise and I do NOT want to cross Oprah.)
Let's start with food:
As a bachelor residing in a shoebox all by my lonesome, it can be difficult cooking for one. Drinking for one is also difficult, and often turns in to drinking for eight or nine. (Just kidding, I only do meth!)
Anyway, I thought I'd share my current enjoyment for Target brand frozen items, specifically pizza. Tonight, I dined on some of their Goat Cheese and Spinach pizza, paired with some pan-seared chicken sausage and a salad. Needless to say, I am quite sated, and not in that gross "I just ate crap" kind of away. Added bonus: I have lunch for tomorrow.
In sum, give their frozen items a try the next time you are buying random crap from this establishment. I've also heard that they have awesome chocolate ice cream, although it has yet to show up here in Humboldt.
(Post Script to food section: I also offer my apologies to an unnamed reader who maintained that Target now sells hard booze. I was adamant that they didn't, and I failed.)
Up next, in music:
I knocked Ratatat initially as simple, mindless, beatmakers. I was wrong, and here is ample proof that they are, in fact, quite awesome:
On to movies:
I finally got around to making my lazy ass watch the first of the "Apu Trilogy" and partook in Pather Panchali, a sweeping epic that despite being shot in 1955, was brilliant to watch, and the music (Ravi Shankar, the father of the MUCH less talented Norah Jones) was spectacular. I am unbelievably dumb when it comes to articulating film reviews, so I'll just say this: Watch it for your self, and be the judge.
Finally, in books:
The last book I finished? "Slam", by Nick Hornby, author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." I'm sad to report that until this gem, I've never read his work. I've only seen, and loved, movies based on his books. So I figured he must be good, right? RIGHT?! Right, he is that good. "Slam" rides the "underaged and preggerz" phenomenon sweeping pop culture lately, but does it without being preachy, glamorizing the clearly difficult situation, and remains charming. It's a quick read, that if Hollywood is worth its wait in coke should be adapted to the silver screen.
So, as I've mentioned in the past, Tuesdays blow. Big time. Not even the cutest cat hanging from a wire, advising me to "hang in there" will suffice.
So, to pass the 4 and a half hours until Hump Day arrives, I thought I'd share with all y'all some of my recent "favorite items." (I'm assuming "favorite things" is a copywritten franchise and I do NOT want to cross Oprah.)
Let's start with food:
As a bachelor residing in a shoebox all by my lonesome, it can be difficult cooking for one. Drinking for one is also difficult, and often turns in to drinking for eight or nine. (Just kidding, I only do meth!)
Anyway, I thought I'd share my current enjoyment for Target brand frozen items, specifically pizza. Tonight, I dined on some of their Goat Cheese and Spinach pizza, paired with some pan-seared chicken sausage and a salad. Needless to say, I am quite sated, and not in that gross "I just ate crap" kind of away. Added bonus: I have lunch for tomorrow.
In sum, give their frozen items a try the next time you are buying random crap from this establishment. I've also heard that they have awesome chocolate ice cream, although it has yet to show up here in Humboldt.
(Post Script to food section: I also offer my apologies to an unnamed reader who maintained that Target now sells hard booze. I was adamant that they didn't, and I failed.)
Up next, in music:
I knocked Ratatat initially as simple, mindless, beatmakers. I was wrong, and here is ample proof that they are, in fact, quite awesome:
On to movies:
I finally got around to making my lazy ass watch the first of the "Apu Trilogy" and partook in Pather Panchali, a sweeping epic that despite being shot in 1955, was brilliant to watch, and the music (Ravi Shankar, the father of the MUCH less talented Norah Jones) was spectacular. I am unbelievably dumb when it comes to articulating film reviews, so I'll just say this: Watch it for your self, and be the judge.
Finally, in books:
The last book I finished? "Slam", by Nick Hornby, author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." I'm sad to report that until this gem, I've never read his work. I've only seen, and loved, movies based on his books. So I figured he must be good, right? RIGHT?! Right, he is that good. "Slam" rides the "underaged and preggerz" phenomenon sweeping pop culture lately, but does it without being preachy, glamorizing the clearly difficult situation, and remains charming. It's a quick read, that if Hollywood is worth its wait in coke should be adapted to the silver screen.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Monday Quarterback
Monday Quarterback: A term, with its meaning rooted in the lexicon of male American machismo, which means to predict outcomes after the fact. Basically, it means to point out all the flaws of a given situation after that situation has occurred.
I felt it appropriate to bring this term up given this is the first Monday after the start of the 2010 season of the NFL. There are ample opportunities to be a Monday Quarterback and point out all the miscues of Bret Favre, for example.
But please allow me apply the term in a completely different context: Opposing Counsel.
Now, I can only speak from a criminal defense perspective, but I'm sure this happens in the civil world as well. You work hard on a case, and throughout investigation, pretrial motions, etc., you are open and honest with opposing counsel about how you think the case should resolve. At least I am. For example, if I'm representing someone who is screaming out of their car, "I'm drunk, motherfuckers," while weaving in and out of lanes, and then blows a .24 on the breathalyzer, I'm not going to tell the District Attorney that they should dismiss the case. Not that I won't represent the guy, either- I'll investigate leads, file motions, etc., but I won't be dishonest with myself.
On the other hand, if I'm handed a bullshit shennanigans nonsensical case, I'll be upfront. I don't do it much, but I will tell the DA that THEY NEED TO DISMISS.
All too often, that request is met with the following sob story: "Oh, Patrick, you know I can't do that! I'd get fiiiiiired."
And at least twice in the past few weeks, I've rolled my eyes, and proceeded to have the court intervene to have the case dismissed.
Which is all fine and dandy, yes. But here's the kicker: Every time I've been lucky enough to win, the following EXACT RESPONSE IS CONDESCENDINGLY TOLD TO ME BY THE DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DIFFERENT ONES, MIND YOU):
"Oh, I could have told you that would have happened..."
I'm, sorry, you're telling me that you could have predicted a court-ruled dismissal WHEN YOU HAD THE POWER TO DO IT WHEN I VERY KINDLY, AND VERY HONESTLY ASKED YOU TO?!
To me, this is Monday Quarterbacking at its very worst. You're not only telling me that your case was weak mere minutes after acting like you prosecuting OJ, but you're also passing the buck. You're dodging blame, in the tackiest way possible.
It's not only stupid, but it's dumb and also stupid. I plan to take it upon myself to mock every single attorney that does it, and continue to take credit when I deserve it, and acknowledge my fuckups, which are plentiful.
Ok, I'm off my pedestal now- Trust me faithful readers (especially the favorite LLK), next post will be more light-hearted.
Hell, no reason I can't start now: Go Ravens!
I felt it appropriate to bring this term up given this is the first Monday after the start of the 2010 season of the NFL. There are ample opportunities to be a Monday Quarterback and point out all the miscues of Bret Favre, for example.
But please allow me apply the term in a completely different context: Opposing Counsel.
Now, I can only speak from a criminal defense perspective, but I'm sure this happens in the civil world as well. You work hard on a case, and throughout investigation, pretrial motions, etc., you are open and honest with opposing counsel about how you think the case should resolve. At least I am. For example, if I'm representing someone who is screaming out of their car, "I'm drunk, motherfuckers," while weaving in and out of lanes, and then blows a .24 on the breathalyzer, I'm not going to tell the District Attorney that they should dismiss the case. Not that I won't represent the guy, either- I'll investigate leads, file motions, etc., but I won't be dishonest with myself.
On the other hand, if I'm handed a bullshit shennanigans nonsensical case, I'll be upfront. I don't do it much, but I will tell the DA that THEY NEED TO DISMISS.
All too often, that request is met with the following sob story: "Oh, Patrick, you know I can't do that! I'd get fiiiiiired."
And at least twice in the past few weeks, I've rolled my eyes, and proceeded to have the court intervene to have the case dismissed.
Which is all fine and dandy, yes. But here's the kicker: Every time I've been lucky enough to win, the following EXACT RESPONSE IS CONDESCENDINGLY TOLD TO ME BY THE DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DIFFERENT ONES, MIND YOU):
"Oh, I could have told you that would have happened..."
I'm, sorry, you're telling me that you could have predicted a court-ruled dismissal WHEN YOU HAD THE POWER TO DO IT WHEN I VERY KINDLY, AND VERY HONESTLY ASKED YOU TO?!
To me, this is Monday Quarterbacking at its very worst. You're not only telling me that your case was weak mere minutes after acting like you prosecuting OJ, but you're also passing the buck. You're dodging blame, in the tackiest way possible.
It's not only stupid, but it's dumb and also stupid. I plan to take it upon myself to mock every single attorney that does it, and continue to take credit when I deserve it, and acknowledge my fuckups, which are plentiful.
Ok, I'm off my pedestal now- Trust me faithful readers (especially the favorite LLK), next post will be more light-hearted.
Hell, no reason I can't start now: Go Ravens!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Reason #576 Why J. Dilla is THE MOST UNDERRATED RAP PRODUCER OF ALL TIME
Also: At least 2 brand spanking new posts this week.
Also: Yes, I know I'm fulfilling the "white suburban kid who loves hip hop" role. I don't give a shit- good music is good music, and I will bump it thusly. And no, I will not turn it down when a brother is near my midnight blue VW beatle a la Michael Bolton in Office Space. If you don't get this reference, your new homework assignment this week is to watch that movie and tell my why it rules using the 5 paragraph system.
Happy Sunday, y'all! (Sorry, LLK!)
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