Monday Quarterback

Monday Quarterback: A term, with its meaning rooted in the lexicon of male American machismo, which means to predict outcomes after the fact. Basically, it means to point out all the flaws of a given situation after that situation has occurred.

I felt it appropriate to bring this term up given this is the first Monday after the start of the 2010 season of the NFL. There are ample opportunities to be a Monday Quarterback and point out all the miscues of Bret Favre, for example.

But please allow me apply the term in a completely different context: Opposing Counsel.

Now, I can only speak from a criminal defense perspective, but I'm sure this happens in the civil world as well. You work hard on a case, and throughout investigation, pretrial motions, etc., you are open and honest with opposing counsel about how you think the case should resolve. At least I am. For example, if I'm representing someone who is screaming out of their car, "I'm drunk, motherfuckers," while weaving in and out of lanes, and then blows a .24 on the breathalyzer, I'm not going to tell the District Attorney that they should dismiss the case. Not that I won't represent the guy, either- I'll investigate leads, file motions, etc., but I won't be dishonest with myself.

On the other hand, if I'm handed a bullshit shennanigans nonsensical case, I'll be upfront. I don't do it much, but I will tell the DA that THEY NEED TO DISMISS.

All too often, that request is met with the following sob story: "Oh, Patrick, you know I can't do that! I'd get fiiiiiired."

And at least twice in the past few weeks, I've rolled my eyes, and proceeded to have the court intervene to have the case dismissed.

Which is all fine and dandy, yes. But here's the kicker: Every time I've been lucky enough to win, the following EXACT RESPONSE IS CONDESCENDINGLY TOLD TO ME BY THE DEPUTY DISTRICT ATTORNEY (DIFFERENT ONES, MIND YOU):
"Oh, I could have told you that would have happened..."

I'm, sorry, you're telling me that you could have predicted a court-ruled dismissal WHEN YOU HAD THE POWER TO DO IT WHEN I VERY KINDLY, AND VERY HONESTLY ASKED YOU TO?!

To me, this is Monday Quarterbacking at its very worst. You're not only telling me that your case was weak mere minutes after acting like you prosecuting OJ, but you're also passing the buck. You're dodging blame, in the tackiest way possible.

It's not only stupid, but it's dumb and also stupid. I plan to take it upon myself to mock every single attorney that does it, and continue to take credit when I deserve it, and acknowledge my fuckups, which are plentiful.

Ok, I'm off my pedestal now- Trust me faithful readers (especially the favorite LLK), next post will be more light-hearted.

Hell, no reason I can't start now: Go Ravens!