Welcome Back Rant

Hey folks,

Yes it's been a while, and yes, I'm crappy for not keeping up on my promises to continue to write vigorously. I could probably try to pinpoint nine or ten lame excuses, but they'd be just that: lame and stupid.

Also, writing socially is not unlike writing professionally. It's under-emphasized, yet very important to success. Consequently, the more I write, the more confident I will be when I start doing open mics, of which I've found some up here in the 'Boldt.

So, put up the faux brick wall behind me, get me in my finest jeans and white tennis shoes with a blazer a la LLK's mother's former classmate (Seinfeld), and let's begin the rant.

What's the deeeeeeeal with natural disasters?

Ok, dropping the bad comic bit for a second. Seriously, what's the deal? Terrible? Yes. Unpredictable? Sure. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates black people? Definitely. Highlights the fact that George W. Bush hates midgets? Most definitely. A call to action? Yes.

Here's what natural disasters are NOT.

They are not a call to people to put up a facebook status asking me to pray for people. I'm not a devout follower of any religion, unless you count the collective works of Jon Benjamin something beyond a mere idolatry. Therefore, publicly asking for prayer makes a couple of POWERFUL assumptions:
1. I regularly pray.
2. I scan my facebook feed just hoping that people are passively asking for prayer.
3. That whatever you are asking for is worthy of my prayer.

There's a distinct difference between someone genuinely approaching me, and asking that I pray for, let's say, a loved one who is sick. In that situation, someone has put themselves out there, and has legitimate reason to seek a other-worldly alternative. And although my metaphysical views are subject to great scrutiny, I can usually muster at least some pointed thoughts for the person in that situation.

Everyone else: Go fuck yourself. No, seriously. How lazy are you that you're casting a net out there for prayers in your facebook status? I'm sorry, it's a weak attempt at best, and it's really kinda lame. It's like when your parents are hounding to find work and you half-assedly apply to like 2-3 a week on craigslist. No, this doesn't count. Sorry. Either ask me personally, or keep your prayers to yourself.

The other, and possibly bigger annoyance about the facebook response to the disaster is the fake-ass outpouring of support, usually characterized with a profile picture change, by people who have ABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION TO THE TRAGEDY WHATSOEVER.

Let's make one thing clear- if you have family, friends, loved ones, etc., that have been directly impacted by the havoc, by all means, use whatever mechanisms you have to vent, call for action, etc.

Everyone else: STOP FRONTING. I swear, the slacktivism is really starting to get to me. I can almost guarantee that the average, work-a-day person, doesn't actually care about the tragedy. Sure, it's something to talk about when conversation with acquaintances wains, or to change the topic when the creepy guy hits on you, but outside casual knowledge, I would bet top-dollar that you're not fretting about what's going on. So stop acting like it . It's disingenuous, at best, and kinda sociopathic at worst. Reserve your passion for the things you actually care about, and you'll actually seem like a decent person.

Finally, news: Stop it. Just stop. Let the proper authorities deal with the aftermath, and stop capitalizing on the fear and emotion of tragedy. When there was the bullshit tsunami warning, I remember seeing a reporter "bravely" discussing the impending doom from the SF Bay, with the GG bridge within picturesque shot. He made it very clear that although disaster could strike at any moment, he would "bravely" be ok and that the report was worth it. OH PLEASE! Shit like that makes people freak the fuck out, and is just a total lie. Stop reporting on speculations of speculations, and actually DO SOMETHING. And yes, the reactor issue is probably a concern to those near the wreckage. BUT STOP INSINUATING THAT IF I EAT A BANANA I WILL DIE. I have enough of a hard time consuming food that is good for me without the "news" guaranteeing my diet to be twinkies and beef jerky, both of which are immune to radiation and digestion.

And please don't misread my rant as the ramblings of a jaded asshole. Look, what happened was awful and will continue to effect the lives of millions. My point is, if it doesn't effect you, and you plan to do nothing other than throw up a cursory facebook status, then just shut up. If you feel compelled to help, that's great, and guess what? You've earned the right to talk about it.